Probably because, assuming that they were white roses (not rose buds) they are suppose to signify a heavenly aspect.
There were wreaths of white flowers at both reagan's and fords funerals. why?
why not
Reply:Because the white flowers are why the white house is called white (not the paint, it was painted white later) and becuase they are former presidents the white house gives them a wreath of white flowers. ;-)
Reply:lillies ?
Reply:because they were in the same cult
Monday, January 30, 2012
Should I go to the funeral??
I work at a very small business as an assistant to the CEO, and I've been here for about a year. This week, my boss's mother passed away. I didn't know her, but he was very close with her. I organized a beautiful arrangement of flowers from everyone at work to be sent to his house. But I didn't expect to go to the funeral. Everyone who works here is really close and some of the other co-workers want to rent a van and get everyone, who can, to go to the funeral, which is about 4 hours away, this Saturday. I had some plans for my Saturday with my husband, and I feel selfish saying that I can't go. What is the proper way to handle this? Am I wrong in wanting to stay home? I feel like since they are giving up their Saturday to travel to the funeral, then I'm selfish if I decide not to go.
Should I go to the funeral??
Since you don't know the woman, don't feel you have to go. A funeral can be a very private event. When my father passed away earlier this year, I barely noticed who was there. If my boss and co-worker had not come, I would not have thought anything of it - and my dad's funeral was in town. It was more important to me to see people I knew growing up, and people he talked about - his friends from work, church, etc.
As his assistant, you will have added responsibilities to help ensure that your boss has plenty of time to grieve without his job responsibilities crying out for him - focus more on this. You will need the weekend to help with it.
What may be better is to offer to help him out more when he returns to work.
Reply:If you feel the need to do something offer your help or your time. Maybe he might need someone to walk his dog while he is attending, something so small can seem so big when you are overwhelmed by a death.
Reply:No not at all.
Reply:It is entirely up to you. I'm sure it would mean a lot to your boss if you went, but he shouldn't hold it against you if you can't go. Just tell your boss that you will be unable to attend the funeral because you are not available this weekend, but you extend your sympathies to him and his family. Then, if any co-workers ask you about it, you can say you're not able to attend. But tell your boss before you tell anyone else.
Reply:You did all you need to do. They won't miss you.
Reply:Tell them you have plans then let the CEO know that your sorry for his loss
Reply:No. Your bosses focus will be on the loss of his mother. He will understand the fact that you did not know her and in fact it may not occur to him that you didn't go. As a small business owner I would not expect my employees to be there if it was my mother's funeral.
Reply:Sending flowers was enough to show your sympathy. Maybe you could send your boss a sympathy or thinking of you card. You said your "co-workers want to rent a van and get everyone, who can, to go to the funeral." The key words here are "who CAN": you already have plans for Saturday, so you can honestly say "I am sorry, I am unable to go." If people ask why and you don't want to go into detail, say you cannot go for personal reasons.
Hope this helps, and sympathy for your boss. Have a good weekend!
Burgundy
Reply:i wouldnt dwell on feeling guilty. you were kind enough to arrange some flowers sent to his home on behalf of everyone, and without seeming horrible, i dont see the point in attending someones funeral that you never knew. if you feel that you have to explain your absense, just say that your husband had arranged something special for you both, and it was arranged a while ago. your boss and everyone else should understand, and if they dont, then they are the ones who are being selfish, and inconsiderate!
Reply:don't go but send a real nice card and flowers
Reply:You sound like a lovely , caring person. Another perspective:
I would not want my co-workers to attend my mother's funeral but that's just me.
Reply:Actually, no one will worry at all if you do not go.
Simply say that you never knew he person and that you had other arrangements you cannot cancel at this late stage.
Do send a personal card to the funeral parlor though.
They will pass it on to the family, most of whom will not even know who you are
Reply:No, you are not 'wrong' for not going.
The flower arrangements you took care of were nice, and appropriate for your station.
The reason everyone else is going isn't necessarily because they knew his mom, but to support him.....which you at this point and time are not comfortable doing. Tho a year seems to be long enough to be part of the company family.
Personally I like that there are still places where the work place is like another family.
If your boss was close to his mom, and you are close to him, which being his assistant I would imagine so....then I think you need to suck it up, and attend the funeral. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. You'd appreciate that people from work would be there for you and your family.
The greatest thing we can do is simply be there for someone at a time of great loss.
Even tho it shouldn't reflect on you at work, it will. Human nature being what it is there will be those who see your not going, as cold.
I understand that you have made plans....but keep in mind, no one really plans to die and make our lives and schedules a mess on purpose.
Good luck with your decision.
Reply:Don't feel guilty. There is no "rule" that says you must go.
By organizing the flowers from EVERYONE at work, you went above your duties as an employee.
I would assume that there are people who have worked there longer than you, and may have even known your bosses mother. Let them go to the funeral if they feel they need to.
I would get a card for your boss, and just write a short note saying you are sorry for his loss, he is in your prayers, etc. and leave it at that.
Reply:You did the flowers and as long as you tell him you're sorry for his loss, it's not as though you're expected to go - like you said, you didn't know her.
Funerals are typically for friends and family of the deceased - not friends and family OF the friends and family.
Reply:It will be noticed that you were not there but your co-workers are. Find a way to show him support in his time of sorrow without going before hand. Just a simple jesture of concern for him will go a long way. Inform him that you cannot make it, you do not have to go into details but apologize for your absence and tell him that he will be in your prayers or something along those lines.
Reply:This is a personal decision. The way I was taught is that "if you feel like you need to go to a funeral, then you have to go." If you don't feel like you need to go, don't worry about what other people think they should do. It's not their place to think about what you should do.
Reply:Why feel selfish? That makes no sense you have plans and you are not that close, you are new to the business too.
Do not go, you set up the flowers and I am sure you can send a donation in the mother's name to her charity,(if you feel guilty not going to a funeral of a person you don't know), which is usually in the newspaper announcement. Just tell your co-workers you had other plans for out of town with family and need to do that.
They will get over it and you will too.
Reply:You did enough to support him, spend time with your husband you only get 2 days a week to.
Reply:Im sorry but I would tell them I think that is innappropriate.You didnt even know her.Funerals are for freinds and family not people who are going simply to please the boss.If it was in your town maybe but 4 hours away? Ridulous.
Reply:nahh. you shouldnt go. it will make you really sad and it will make you cry. you probably wont be able to sleep at all or anything. if you didnt even know the chick then you shouldnt have to go. dont feel selfish cause your not. if your were selfish, then you wouldnt care if your being or acting selfish. but your not so you dont have to worry about that. so yeah. you also gave her flowers. that should be enough. if your really really worried about being selfish though, make her a card and give it to somebody whos going to the funeral, to give to her or give it to your boss.
Reply:No need to go, you are not selfish. Just be sure to verbally let him know that you are sorry for his loss.
Reply:You are under no obligation to go if it's 4 hours away. Like someone else said, I wouldn't want all my co-workers at my mom's funeral. You fulfilled your obligation with the flowers. What will really be a great help to him is if you are extra helpful and understanding as his work assistant after he comes back, because he is going to be grieving for quite a while.
Reply:Your ok! Funerals are unexpected and like you said, you and your husband got plans. That was nice to help out but at a time like this, they won't even miss you.
Reply:No dont go...
You get bad dreams when you go to the funeral.
Should I go to the funeral??
Since you don't know the woman, don't feel you have to go. A funeral can be a very private event. When my father passed away earlier this year, I barely noticed who was there. If my boss and co-worker had not come, I would not have thought anything of it - and my dad's funeral was in town. It was more important to me to see people I knew growing up, and people he talked about - his friends from work, church, etc.
As his assistant, you will have added responsibilities to help ensure that your boss has plenty of time to grieve without his job responsibilities crying out for him - focus more on this. You will need the weekend to help with it.
What may be better is to offer to help him out more when he returns to work.
Reply:If you feel the need to do something offer your help or your time. Maybe he might need someone to walk his dog while he is attending, something so small can seem so big when you are overwhelmed by a death.
Reply:No not at all.
Reply:It is entirely up to you. I'm sure it would mean a lot to your boss if you went, but he shouldn't hold it against you if you can't go. Just tell your boss that you will be unable to attend the funeral because you are not available this weekend, but you extend your sympathies to him and his family. Then, if any co-workers ask you about it, you can say you're not able to attend. But tell your boss before you tell anyone else.
Reply:You did all you need to do. They won't miss you.
Reply:Tell them you have plans then let the CEO know that your sorry for his loss
Reply:No. Your bosses focus will be on the loss of his mother. He will understand the fact that you did not know her and in fact it may not occur to him that you didn't go. As a small business owner I would not expect my employees to be there if it was my mother's funeral.
Reply:Sending flowers was enough to show your sympathy. Maybe you could send your boss a sympathy or thinking of you card. You said your "co-workers want to rent a van and get everyone, who can, to go to the funeral." The key words here are "who CAN": you already have plans for Saturday, so you can honestly say "I am sorry, I am unable to go." If people ask why and you don't want to go into detail, say you cannot go for personal reasons.
Hope this helps, and sympathy for your boss. Have a good weekend!
Burgundy
Reply:i wouldnt dwell on feeling guilty. you were kind enough to arrange some flowers sent to his home on behalf of everyone, and without seeming horrible, i dont see the point in attending someones funeral that you never knew. if you feel that you have to explain your absense, just say that your husband had arranged something special for you both, and it was arranged a while ago. your boss and everyone else should understand, and if they dont, then they are the ones who are being selfish, and inconsiderate!
Reply:don't go but send a real nice card and flowers
Reply:You sound like a lovely , caring person. Another perspective:
I would not want my co-workers to attend my mother's funeral but that's just me.
Reply:Actually, no one will worry at all if you do not go.
Simply say that you never knew he person and that you had other arrangements you cannot cancel at this late stage.
Do send a personal card to the funeral parlor though.
They will pass it on to the family, most of whom will not even know who you are
Reply:No, you are not 'wrong' for not going.
The flower arrangements you took care of were nice, and appropriate for your station.
The reason everyone else is going isn't necessarily because they knew his mom, but to support him.....which you at this point and time are not comfortable doing. Tho a year seems to be long enough to be part of the company family.
Personally I like that there are still places where the work place is like another family.
If your boss was close to his mom, and you are close to him, which being his assistant I would imagine so....then I think you need to suck it up, and attend the funeral. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. You'd appreciate that people from work would be there for you and your family.
The greatest thing we can do is simply be there for someone at a time of great loss.
Even tho it shouldn't reflect on you at work, it will. Human nature being what it is there will be those who see your not going, as cold.
I understand that you have made plans....but keep in mind, no one really plans to die and make our lives and schedules a mess on purpose.
Good luck with your decision.
Reply:Don't feel guilty. There is no "rule" that says you must go.
By organizing the flowers from EVERYONE at work, you went above your duties as an employee.
I would assume that there are people who have worked there longer than you, and may have even known your bosses mother. Let them go to the funeral if they feel they need to.
I would get a card for your boss, and just write a short note saying you are sorry for his loss, he is in your prayers, etc. and leave it at that.
Reply:You did the flowers and as long as you tell him you're sorry for his loss, it's not as though you're expected to go - like you said, you didn't know her.
Funerals are typically for friends and family of the deceased - not friends and family OF the friends and family.
Reply:It will be noticed that you were not there but your co-workers are. Find a way to show him support in his time of sorrow without going before hand. Just a simple jesture of concern for him will go a long way. Inform him that you cannot make it, you do not have to go into details but apologize for your absence and tell him that he will be in your prayers or something along those lines.
Reply:This is a personal decision. The way I was taught is that "if you feel like you need to go to a funeral, then you have to go." If you don't feel like you need to go, don't worry about what other people think they should do. It's not their place to think about what you should do.
Reply:Why feel selfish? That makes no sense you have plans and you are not that close, you are new to the business too.
Do not go, you set up the flowers and I am sure you can send a donation in the mother's name to her charity,(if you feel guilty not going to a funeral of a person you don't know), which is usually in the newspaper announcement. Just tell your co-workers you had other plans for out of town with family and need to do that.
They will get over it and you will too.
Reply:You did enough to support him, spend time with your husband you only get 2 days a week to.
Reply:Im sorry but I would tell them I think that is innappropriate.You didnt even know her.Funerals are for freinds and family not people who are going simply to please the boss.If it was in your town maybe but 4 hours away? Ridulous.
Reply:nahh. you shouldnt go. it will make you really sad and it will make you cry. you probably wont be able to sleep at all or anything. if you didnt even know the chick then you shouldnt have to go. dont feel selfish cause your not. if your were selfish, then you wouldnt care if your being or acting selfish. but your not so you dont have to worry about that. so yeah. you also gave her flowers. that should be enough. if your really really worried about being selfish though, make her a card and give it to somebody whos going to the funeral, to give to her or give it to your boss.
Reply:No need to go, you are not selfish. Just be sure to verbally let him know that you are sorry for his loss.
Reply:You are under no obligation to go if it's 4 hours away. Like someone else said, I wouldn't want all my co-workers at my mom's funeral. You fulfilled your obligation with the flowers. What will really be a great help to him is if you are extra helpful and understanding as his work assistant after he comes back, because he is going to be grieving for quite a while.
Reply:Your ok! Funerals are unexpected and like you said, you and your husband got plans. That was nice to help out but at a time like this, they won't even miss you.
Reply:No dont go...
You get bad dreams when you go to the funeral.
How should we promote our business?
I asked this question a bit ago...but I think that (while I did get some good responses) it would be most helpful for people to know what type of business we have.
www.bluedogbeads.com
It's all custom jewelry made from dried flowers from any occasion. Most of our business does come from people who have lost a loved one...we use the flowers from the funeral to make the beads. Everything we make is hand made with the exception of the sterling and gold (obviously).
How do we get the word out?
Someone we know suggested that we place our brochure on the windshields of people while they were in the funeral...a little tacky I think lol....
How should we promote our business?
Hi! Your jewelry is quite attractive and should do quite well when you find your market.
I believe the best market for you to target first would be the bridal market. (I would concentrate on only one market at a time initially). Brides are often very interested in jewelry and in keepsake type merchandise.
I would start by making a list of all of the bridal salons in your area along with their phone numbers. Set up an appointment to meet with the owners of the salons.
Ask the owners if they would be interested in carrying a display of your jewelry for prospective brides for a small portion of the sales. It's a nice source of additional income for the bridal store without them having to make an investment in merchandise.
You can check back every few days to pick up the orders to fulfill and collect your portion of the payment. It's a winning situation for you as you don't have to do alot of marketing and can concentrate on crafting the jewelry and fulfilling orders.
If you need some more ideas for marketing handmade jewelry, check out this free blog:
http://www.netbead.com
There are some ideas here you may not have thought of.
Best of luck to you with your venture. :-)
Reply:Well you have a couple ways to do it, Get a full website that allows a shopping cart, promotional capabilities, ordering, etc.
Also you can promote on myspace. I run a promotional company for that does website design and myspace promotions, we have worked with a few companies who have had profiles on myspace as well as musicians, and they have seen a drastic jump in their sales, and profile views.
We have some musicians that had 138 friends when they came to us and now have over 7,000 friends and 10,000 music plays in less than 30 days of our promotion service.
Reply:I would recommend that you consider joining your local Chamber of Commerce. Most Chambers offer resources specifically designed to help small business owners grow their businesses. If there is more than one funeral home in your area, consider making an appointment with each one, let them know that you only want 15 minutes of their time and let them know about your products. Maybe consider notifying the various religious organizations in your area (churches) and let them know about your products. A brochure is a great idea and yes you can get them professionally designed and made at a reasonable cost. Consider using someone on a contract basis to design and print the brochure for you~
Good luck with your business!!
Reply:eBay can bring in some good leads and the cost to list an ad is under $5. Yahoo Auctions, Bid4Assets and some other auction sites don't charge at all.
If you need capital for your expanding business take a look at the Sturzstrom Funding Group on Prosper - http://ww.ProsperFiveStar.com. Having an established business puts you in a good position to get a loan from $1000 to $25000. It could give you the extra capital you need to put together a good marketing campaign.
Reply:Saw your website and the jewelry is very good. I would suggest putting the pictures on the home page with urls to your different catagories such as weddings, birthday, baby, graduation, funeral, etc. so people don't have to navigate around to find them.
You may want to see if you can find a few at locations that host wedding receptions, birthday parties, graduation parties, wakes, etc. If you get to know the people who run these places, and they like what you have, you may be able to get them to include one of your items as part of a "package deal". So get to know the people who run these places, let them see what you have. They are a good source for referrals.
If nothing else, they may let you leave a brochures for their customers to see. If you don't have brochures, maybe put together a notebook with photos or a set up small display where you can leave your business cards (assuming you have those).
Reply:This should help you make some money.
http://www.aifam.com?dQoDpQkWxQ
running shoes
www.bluedogbeads.com
It's all custom jewelry made from dried flowers from any occasion. Most of our business does come from people who have lost a loved one...we use the flowers from the funeral to make the beads. Everything we make is hand made with the exception of the sterling and gold (obviously).
How do we get the word out?
Someone we know suggested that we place our brochure on the windshields of people while they were in the funeral...a little tacky I think lol....
How should we promote our business?
Hi! Your jewelry is quite attractive and should do quite well when you find your market.
I believe the best market for you to target first would be the bridal market. (I would concentrate on only one market at a time initially). Brides are often very interested in jewelry and in keepsake type merchandise.
I would start by making a list of all of the bridal salons in your area along with their phone numbers. Set up an appointment to meet with the owners of the salons.
Ask the owners if they would be interested in carrying a display of your jewelry for prospective brides for a small portion of the sales. It's a nice source of additional income for the bridal store without them having to make an investment in merchandise.
You can check back every few days to pick up the orders to fulfill and collect your portion of the payment. It's a winning situation for you as you don't have to do alot of marketing and can concentrate on crafting the jewelry and fulfilling orders.
If you need some more ideas for marketing handmade jewelry, check out this free blog:
http://www.netbead.com
There are some ideas here you may not have thought of.
Best of luck to you with your venture. :-)
Reply:Well you have a couple ways to do it, Get a full website that allows a shopping cart, promotional capabilities, ordering, etc.
Also you can promote on myspace. I run a promotional company for that does website design and myspace promotions, we have worked with a few companies who have had profiles on myspace as well as musicians, and they have seen a drastic jump in their sales, and profile views.
We have some musicians that had 138 friends when they came to us and now have over 7,000 friends and 10,000 music plays in less than 30 days of our promotion service.
Reply:I would recommend that you consider joining your local Chamber of Commerce. Most Chambers offer resources specifically designed to help small business owners grow their businesses. If there is more than one funeral home in your area, consider making an appointment with each one, let them know that you only want 15 minutes of their time and let them know about your products. Maybe consider notifying the various religious organizations in your area (churches) and let them know about your products. A brochure is a great idea and yes you can get them professionally designed and made at a reasonable cost. Consider using someone on a contract basis to design and print the brochure for you~
Good luck with your business!!
Reply:eBay can bring in some good leads and the cost to list an ad is under $5. Yahoo Auctions, Bid4Assets and some other auction sites don't charge at all.
If you need capital for your expanding business take a look at the Sturzstrom Funding Group on Prosper - http://ww.ProsperFiveStar.com. Having an established business puts you in a good position to get a loan from $1000 to $25000. It could give you the extra capital you need to put together a good marketing campaign.
Reply:Saw your website and the jewelry is very good. I would suggest putting the pictures on the home page with urls to your different catagories such as weddings, birthday, baby, graduation, funeral, etc. so people don't have to navigate around to find them.
You may want to see if you can find a few at locations that host wedding receptions, birthday parties, graduation parties, wakes, etc. If you get to know the people who run these places, and they like what you have, you may be able to get them to include one of your items as part of a "package deal". So get to know the people who run these places, let them see what you have. They are a good source for referrals.
If nothing else, they may let you leave a brochures for their customers to see. If you don't have brochures, maybe put together a notebook with photos or a set up small display where you can leave your business cards (assuming you have those).
Reply:This should help you make some money.
http://www.aifam.com?dQoDpQkWxQ
running shoes
Funeral and a girlfriend?
My girlfriends grandfather recently passed and i said i was going to try as best i could to make it to the funeral to support her. I live two hrs away and if i go to the funeral i will miss two very important college classes that are covering the material on the midterms that i dont understand that i cannot afford to miss. I want to be there for her but i feel that in doing so i will fail my tests. What should i do? I sent her and her mother flowers and apparently that was not good enough. I have expalined this to her a million times and she is pissed and apparently her mother is appauled.
Funeral and a girlfriend?
Sounds like your girlfriend and her mom are both selfish. Take care of yourself here or you will regret it.
Reply:After youve done your tests...tell her you will drive over and see them both...if that isnt good enough...time to move on..me thinks...
revlon hair dye
Funeral and a girlfriend?
Sounds like your girlfriend and her mom are both selfish. Take care of yourself here or you will regret it.
Reply:After youve done your tests...tell her you will drive over and see them both...if that isnt good enough...time to move on..me thinks...
Supernatural event at mothers funeral?
When I was at mothers funeral yesterday. We had something bizarre happen. I was walking up towards the table her urn was on. No one else was around the table at the time. I was looking for her urn and about for feet away from the urn when all of a sudden a gust of wind came up and funneled directly into the urn blowing it out off the middle of the table and out of the reef of flowers it was in and onto the ground breaking the urn into many peices. The funeral director said that never should of happened because it was surrounded by a reef of flowers and it has never happened before. The wind didn't move anything else on the table, not any of the flowers or anything. The open side of the tent was next to the woods. It wasn't very windy outside. Just mainly the one big gust of wind that came out of the woods that knocked the urn to the ground. Would you call this a supernatural event? What meaning would you give it?
Supernatural event at mothers funeral?
It was your mother's way of showing you that she is still around. What better way then using her own ashes? Maybe she was saying goodbye as she was getting ready to leave the earthly plane for the spiritual one. Many people believe that the soul lingers on the earthly plane for 3 days after the death of the physical body. If this event happened within tha t time frame, then it is possible that she was indeed saying goodbye.
Reply:In case you haven't noticed, this is the Philosophy category. This question belongs in the I Believe That Somehow If A Clay Pot Contains Someone's Ashes Then The Laws Of Physics Might Apply Differently To It Despite The Fact That All Scientific Evidence And All Principles Of Logic Say That's Totally Ridiculous And Absurd category. Unfortunately, there is no such category, so instead I'll have to recommend something like Religion %26amp; Spirituality or Mythology %26amp; Folklore (both found as subcategories of the Society %26amp; Culture category).
Reply:Stuff happens. It's entirely possible an aberration occurred at your mother's funeral service. After the death of my grandmother on my mother's side of the family, I was awakened in the middle of the night by her image, healthy and fully restored (she died a protracted death of cancer). She spoke to me and I spoke back, with my wife as a witness to the event, and no one can convince me that it didn't happen. My wife says I was fully awake, I have Christian values, yet I know what I saw. Unexplainable events occur all the time to those who are open to believing they can happened. I have no doubt that your story is true. Accept it as an unexplainable event. Perhaps at sometime in your future, an explanation will come to you. Who knows?
Reply:sorry about your mother :(
that's freaky. Maybe it's supernatural and if it was your mother, what would she be trying to tell you by knocking her urn over and breaking it?
Reply:Honestly that is pretty bizarre, but I wouldn't look too much into it. I've had something similar happen to me at a friends memorial. I just think with all of the emotions and overwhelming thoughts we are LOOKING for something like that to happen to give us some sort of sign that they are still around,even if it is in a spiritual form. Would you have felt the same if that happened under different circumstances?
Reply:I honestly dont want to knock down your belief of it being a supernatural encounter, but to even begin to believe it is REALLY a supernatural encounter you have to take into account a ton of variables that could have knocked down an urn besides just wind. However I will say the subconscious works in very extreme, and unbelievable ways.
Supernatural event at mothers funeral?
It was your mother's way of showing you that she is still around. What better way then using her own ashes? Maybe she was saying goodbye as she was getting ready to leave the earthly plane for the spiritual one. Many people believe that the soul lingers on the earthly plane for 3 days after the death of the physical body. If this event happened within tha t time frame, then it is possible that she was indeed saying goodbye.
Reply:In case you haven't noticed, this is the Philosophy category. This question belongs in the I Believe That Somehow If A Clay Pot Contains Someone's Ashes Then The Laws Of Physics Might Apply Differently To It Despite The Fact That All Scientific Evidence And All Principles Of Logic Say That's Totally Ridiculous And Absurd category. Unfortunately, there is no such category, so instead I'll have to recommend something like Religion %26amp; Spirituality or Mythology %26amp; Folklore (both found as subcategories of the Society %26amp; Culture category).
Reply:Stuff happens. It's entirely possible an aberration occurred at your mother's funeral service. After the death of my grandmother on my mother's side of the family, I was awakened in the middle of the night by her image, healthy and fully restored (she died a protracted death of cancer). She spoke to me and I spoke back, with my wife as a witness to the event, and no one can convince me that it didn't happen. My wife says I was fully awake, I have Christian values, yet I know what I saw. Unexplainable events occur all the time to those who are open to believing they can happened. I have no doubt that your story is true. Accept it as an unexplainable event. Perhaps at sometime in your future, an explanation will come to you. Who knows?
Reply:sorry about your mother :(
that's freaky. Maybe it's supernatural and if it was your mother, what would she be trying to tell you by knocking her urn over and breaking it?
Reply:Honestly that is pretty bizarre, but I wouldn't look too much into it. I've had something similar happen to me at a friends memorial. I just think with all of the emotions and overwhelming thoughts we are LOOKING for something like that to happen to give us some sort of sign that they are still around,even if it is in a spiritual form. Would you have felt the same if that happened under different circumstances?
Reply:I honestly dont want to knock down your belief of it being a supernatural encounter, but to even begin to believe it is REALLY a supernatural encounter you have to take into account a ton of variables that could have knocked down an urn besides just wind. However I will say the subconscious works in very extreme, and unbelievable ways.
Interpert dream i had during a lunar eclispe.. death coffins funeral tree hair wind in face best friend spirt
The dream started with my two girl friends. One is my best friend the younger sister and the other is her older sister my second close friend. And a guy I know little brother who in my dream had the name of a third friend’s boyfriend but was not her boyfriend but a little brother of a guy I went to high school with. They all had a terminal disease caner. we sat by the river there was a small wall we were sitting on concrete and a door like entrance to the river and the rivers current was flowing strong. And there were bright green trees and wind was for a second blowing hair in my face it was a well known place in my town. then went to the girls mothers home that looked bigger and more extravagant royal than it is their step father later looked urgent and told them all that they were going to die they were scared the step-father said they could go to the hospital but that they would die either way so they chose to stay at the home.
When they died the two girls visited me as sprits and I asked what they needed me to do so they could move on and go to heaven though I myself don’t believe in heaven. The older sister I don’t think needed anything and left the world before my best friend the younger sister. I asked my best friend if she wanted me to use her MySpace to let people know about her death and she said yes I said I needed her password and she told me it was kids hate something another word I cant remember so I did it then the next day I’m walking into her home to their funeral and there are there coffins with them in it I have flowers but I don’t have a card so I walk out side it was a nice day lots of green and tress and people waling and dogs people walking their dogs but I’m in a rush I’m almost running and panic anxiety cause I don’t want to miss the funeral and the dream ends with me trying to get a card for them a sympathy card to say good bye and I dream waking up and that I’m scared fearful anxious and then I woke up scared.
***************I missed work today cause
I was sleeping/ dreaming so PLEASE HELP! I guess I really need to grasp a concept. Subconsciously
Interpert dream i had during a lunar eclispe.. death coffins funeral tree hair wind in face best friend spirt
wow... that's a pretty complex dream.
In general, dreams are a mixture of stuff that happens to us during the day, and stuff our unconscious minds are trying to tell us.
You should try and sift through the dream, choosing what it might actually be telling you. Maybe you're afraid of death since you awoke anxious? Maybe you're afraid of abandonment? In any case, the unconsicous mind knows your weaknesses and will try to work them out in the dream world.
If you dream a lot, which from the way you said you missed work you probably do, your unconscious mind might be trying to heal old wounds. I suggest looking for a JUNGIAN psychologist who can help you interpret these dreams.
Reply:an active imagination
Reply:There are 3 options..
1. You have a creative mind. Your brain made up an exciting and interesting dream.
2. You're going nuts. Time to go to the loony bin!
3. You're being contacted by your best friend in spirit.
When they died the two girls visited me as sprits and I asked what they needed me to do so they could move on and go to heaven though I myself don’t believe in heaven. The older sister I don’t think needed anything and left the world before my best friend the younger sister. I asked my best friend if she wanted me to use her MySpace to let people know about her death and she said yes I said I needed her password and she told me it was kids hate something another word I cant remember so I did it then the next day I’m walking into her home to their funeral and there are there coffins with them in it I have flowers but I don’t have a card so I walk out side it was a nice day lots of green and tress and people waling and dogs people walking their dogs but I’m in a rush I’m almost running and panic anxiety cause I don’t want to miss the funeral and the dream ends with me trying to get a card for them a sympathy card to say good bye and I dream waking up and that I’m scared fearful anxious and then I woke up scared.
***************I missed work today cause
I was sleeping/ dreaming so PLEASE HELP! I guess I really need to grasp a concept. Subconsciously
Interpert dream i had during a lunar eclispe.. death coffins funeral tree hair wind in face best friend spirt
wow... that's a pretty complex dream.
In general, dreams are a mixture of stuff that happens to us during the day, and stuff our unconscious minds are trying to tell us.
You should try and sift through the dream, choosing what it might actually be telling you. Maybe you're afraid of death since you awoke anxious? Maybe you're afraid of abandonment? In any case, the unconsicous mind knows your weaknesses and will try to work them out in the dream world.
If you dream a lot, which from the way you said you missed work you probably do, your unconscious mind might be trying to heal old wounds. I suggest looking for a JUNGIAN psychologist who can help you interpret these dreams.
Reply:an active imagination
Reply:There are 3 options..
1. You have a creative mind. Your brain made up an exciting and interesting dream.
2. You're going nuts. Time to go to the loony bin!
3. You're being contacted by your best friend in spirit.
What is the etiquette for donating to a charity at request of deceased's family?
My husband and I are recently married and it is the holiday season. We are very short on money.
Today I just found out that a girl I used to babysit died of a drug overdose or of something drug-related. I used to be best friends with her sister and as the family lived down the street, we were always at each others' houses. I live in another state now and can't go there, plus the funeral is family only/private.
In the obituary, they ask for donations for a drug treatment facility. I think it would be more suitable to give to this facility in the deceased's name than it would be to send flowers to the family. What is the etiquette for doing this? Do I donate and also send a card to the family? I don't care if they know that I donated or not, but I want them to know that I am thinking of them. I am not sure if the facility will give a list of donors to the family. What is appropriate in this situation? My last name has also changed; how do I sign?
Thanks,
Tara
What is the etiquette for donating to a charity at request of deceased's family?
Tara, you are precious to take such care in doing this in your friend's memory. You can donate directly, you can ask if they send a card to the family and because they've been so close, you can send a card of encouragement/sympathy with some of your fond memories to help them remember beyond the pain that this young woman had friends, etc. In that you can mention that it was on your heart to help prevent this from happening to another family and so you sent a donation in her name to:
Keep shining kiddo, you sound like you really have it all, heart, smarts and empathy.
Reply:Most charities I've donated to at the request of the family automatically notify the family of my donation. I know they do because I then receive a thank you card from the family. I simply send a check to the charity with a note "in memory of" or "in celebration of the life of" and then I name the person. If your maiden name is Jones and your married name is Smith, I would sign the card Tara Jones Smith.
Reply:You can send a card, without mentioning the donation. When my father-in-law died, we requested donations to the hospice organization. The organization sent us a list of donors as they received them. They also sent very nice thank you letters to the people that donated. Just include all the information that you want in the letter to the facility when you send the donation. I would sign your name as first name-old last name - new last name.
Sorry about your loss,
Reply:You can make a donation to the facility and let them know it is in honor of your firend. Then you can send a sympathy card to the family of your friend to let them know whatever you'd like (such as "i'm so sorry for your loss" "I heard what happened and made a donation to the facility you indicated in the obituary" or whatever you'd like. You can also make a phone call to the family to let them know your feelings.
As to how to sign. I would suggest signing whatever you send the family in the name they knew you as. If you sign it as your married name, be sure to indicate somewhere who you are so they will make the connection.
Reply:When my son died, we didn't make any request of any kind, but a very good friend said she had made a donation to a certain place in his name. I'm glad she told me, because I never received any notice from the place. If she hadn't told me, I never would have known to thank her.
The mother of a friend of my son's wrote me the nicest letter telling about her memories of my son when he visited their home.
So I would send a sympathy card for sure and tell them you made the donation in her name, and even write a note telling something about your memories of the girl. This is so meaningful to the family. And sign your name Tara (Jones) Smith. Also be sure to put your return address on the envelope.
So sad when this happens to young people, and so hard for the families.
Reply:I won't donate. I will donate to the charity of MY choice.
Reply:You write to the centre making a bequest in the name of the deceased, asking for the acknowledgement to be sent to her family. You can sign it in your married name - Mrs Jane Jones (nee Smith), or just as Jane Smith.
Reply:my friend died of an overdose and her family asked for donations in her name, too. call the facility and make the donation, using your married name. send a card and sign your name, and just put your maiden name in parenthesis
Reply:Honestly, it's best not to tell them. Just to give a little money. And call the family. In about two weeks, perhapse. When everyone else has called. Just to say you're sorry and what you remember of the lass.
But really, talking about the money... it's not in the best taste.
Reply:I would make the donation that I could afford to the charity of their request, in lieu of flowers. Then I would send the family a sympathy card and say that I made a donation in loving memory of their daughter to that charity.
Reply:Send a donation in memory of the deceased in your name with your maiden name in brackets i.e Mrs Amy Johnson (nee Andrews)
You can certainly also send a card to the family...
A lot of places have a special donation card that they will give to the family of the deceased.
I think a lot of families do this now as the donation is a useful gift and they may not want all kinds of flowers to deal with...
I am sorry for your loss.
PDA
Today I just found out that a girl I used to babysit died of a drug overdose or of something drug-related. I used to be best friends with her sister and as the family lived down the street, we were always at each others' houses. I live in another state now and can't go there, plus the funeral is family only/private.
In the obituary, they ask for donations for a drug treatment facility. I think it would be more suitable to give to this facility in the deceased's name than it would be to send flowers to the family. What is the etiquette for doing this? Do I donate and also send a card to the family? I don't care if they know that I donated or not, but I want them to know that I am thinking of them. I am not sure if the facility will give a list of donors to the family. What is appropriate in this situation? My last name has also changed; how do I sign?
Thanks,
Tara
What is the etiquette for donating to a charity at request of deceased's family?
Tara, you are precious to take such care in doing this in your friend's memory. You can donate directly, you can ask if they send a card to the family and because they've been so close, you can send a card of encouragement/sympathy with some of your fond memories to help them remember beyond the pain that this young woman had friends, etc. In that you can mention that it was on your heart to help prevent this from happening to another family and so you sent a donation in her name to:
Keep shining kiddo, you sound like you really have it all, heart, smarts and empathy.
Reply:Most charities I've donated to at the request of the family automatically notify the family of my donation. I know they do because I then receive a thank you card from the family. I simply send a check to the charity with a note "in memory of" or "in celebration of the life of" and then I name the person. If your maiden name is Jones and your married name is Smith, I would sign the card Tara Jones Smith.
Reply:You can send a card, without mentioning the donation. When my father-in-law died, we requested donations to the hospice organization. The organization sent us a list of donors as they received them. They also sent very nice thank you letters to the people that donated. Just include all the information that you want in the letter to the facility when you send the donation. I would sign your name as first name-old last name - new last name.
Sorry about your loss,
Reply:You can make a donation to the facility and let them know it is in honor of your firend. Then you can send a sympathy card to the family of your friend to let them know whatever you'd like (such as "i'm so sorry for your loss" "I heard what happened and made a donation to the facility you indicated in the obituary" or whatever you'd like. You can also make a phone call to the family to let them know your feelings.
As to how to sign. I would suggest signing whatever you send the family in the name they knew you as. If you sign it as your married name, be sure to indicate somewhere who you are so they will make the connection.
Reply:When my son died, we didn't make any request of any kind, but a very good friend said she had made a donation to a certain place in his name. I'm glad she told me, because I never received any notice from the place. If she hadn't told me, I never would have known to thank her.
The mother of a friend of my son's wrote me the nicest letter telling about her memories of my son when he visited their home.
So I would send a sympathy card for sure and tell them you made the donation in her name, and even write a note telling something about your memories of the girl. This is so meaningful to the family. And sign your name Tara (Jones) Smith. Also be sure to put your return address on the envelope.
So sad when this happens to young people, and so hard for the families.
Reply:I won't donate. I will donate to the charity of MY choice.
Reply:You write to the centre making a bequest in the name of the deceased, asking for the acknowledgement to be sent to her family. You can sign it in your married name - Mrs Jane Jones (nee Smith), or just as Jane Smith.
Reply:my friend died of an overdose and her family asked for donations in her name, too. call the facility and make the donation, using your married name. send a card and sign your name, and just put your maiden name in parenthesis
Reply:Honestly, it's best not to tell them. Just to give a little money. And call the family. In about two weeks, perhapse. When everyone else has called. Just to say you're sorry and what you remember of the lass.
But really, talking about the money... it's not in the best taste.
Reply:I would make the donation that I could afford to the charity of their request, in lieu of flowers. Then I would send the family a sympathy card and say that I made a donation in loving memory of their daughter to that charity.
Reply:Send a donation in memory of the deceased in your name with your maiden name in brackets i.e Mrs Amy Johnson (nee Andrews)
You can certainly also send a card to the family...
A lot of places have a special donation card that they will give to the family of the deceased.
I think a lot of families do this now as the donation is a useful gift and they may not want all kinds of flowers to deal with...
I am sorry for your loss.
PDA
Funeral photographs?
i will be attending a horrific funeral this week for the son of a very dear friend. he was brutally murdered. it's it weird or wrong to take photos at the service? i don't mean intrusive things like the parents weeping or anything. maybe just flowers or photo boards. i certainly would ask anyone to stop and pose, but i mean just candid shots. i don't even know why i want to. i wish i had taken some at other services. what about at the reception or burial? i don't want to come off as a reporter. i would only keep them for my self and a few friends that couldn't make the trip.
Funeral photographs?
Taking photos at funerals was common in its day. But now, it is a matter of ettiquette. Some families do and some don't. If it is in your immediate family, you know what the rules are. Outside the family, don't even consider it.
Reply:You can take them at the burial, but that the only place anyone would dare take a picture. Certainly not at the reception. It's really not a good idea at all when your a member of the party. Pictures are only taken by reporters during the burial portions of a celerity of some sought. Never has there been know of a party member stepping out to take these pictures.
Reply:To me, it seems so awkward to view pictures of funerals. I suppose the pictures of the flowers are ok, but I've actually saw how people took pictures of the actual body lying in the casket and posted it up on Myspace and Tagged, I kinda felt upset about it even if I didn't know those dead persons. Honestly, I don't really think that photo taking would be appropriate for the occasion.
Reply:Personally I find that very rude.
People did it many years ago....and even framed and displayed the pictures.
I don't know why anyone would do that now.
You should certainly ask your friend before you did this.
Reply:I would take them discretely, I don't think there's anything wrong with taking photos but at a funeral people might be emotional and irrational.
Reply:I dont see anything wrong with it, but other people would.
Reply:No. It's completely disrespectful. At my grandmother's funeral, some tourists came in and started taking photos of the cathedral and I found it very offensive. And that's not even someone who was attending the funeral. That would be much worse. People are perhaps at their worst when mourning and they don't want someone taking a photo of it. Whether or not you get other people in the photos, it's so disrespectful. They don't want to be reminded of that. They want to remember the person they're mourning and that person's life, not their death and funeral. Even if you're not showing them to anyone, it's still very disrespectful. I've been to many funerals and apart from the one time I mentioned about tourists, no one has ever taken a photo and I would actually be very angry at anyone who did. Your friend needs you to be there for them and to help them through it, not to be going around taking photos. And if you do it discreetly, it's just going behind their back.
I've even been to a funeral which was attended by a very important political figure and people STILL didn't take photos because it would have been too disrespectful.
You have to think about the views of the mourners; how would they feel about you taking pictures? And how would they feel about you concentrating (even for a second) on taking a photo instead of being there for them?
Funeral photographs?
Taking photos at funerals was common in its day. But now, it is a matter of ettiquette. Some families do and some don't. If it is in your immediate family, you know what the rules are. Outside the family, don't even consider it.
Reply:You can take them at the burial, but that the only place anyone would dare take a picture. Certainly not at the reception. It's really not a good idea at all when your a member of the party. Pictures are only taken by reporters during the burial portions of a celerity of some sought. Never has there been know of a party member stepping out to take these pictures.
Reply:To me, it seems so awkward to view pictures of funerals. I suppose the pictures of the flowers are ok, but I've actually saw how people took pictures of the actual body lying in the casket and posted it up on Myspace and Tagged, I kinda felt upset about it even if I didn't know those dead persons. Honestly, I don't really think that photo taking would be appropriate for the occasion.
Reply:Personally I find that very rude.
People did it many years ago....and even framed and displayed the pictures.
I don't know why anyone would do that now.
You should certainly ask your friend before you did this.
Reply:I would take them discretely, I don't think there's anything wrong with taking photos but at a funeral people might be emotional and irrational.
Reply:I dont see anything wrong with it, but other people would.
Reply:No. It's completely disrespectful. At my grandmother's funeral, some tourists came in and started taking photos of the cathedral and I found it very offensive. And that's not even someone who was attending the funeral. That would be much worse. People are perhaps at their worst when mourning and they don't want someone taking a photo of it. Whether or not you get other people in the photos, it's so disrespectful. They don't want to be reminded of that. They want to remember the person they're mourning and that person's life, not their death and funeral. Even if you're not showing them to anyone, it's still very disrespectful. I've been to many funerals and apart from the one time I mentioned about tourists, no one has ever taken a photo and I would actually be very angry at anyone who did. Your friend needs you to be there for them and to help them through it, not to be going around taking photos. And if you do it discreetly, it's just going behind their back.
I've even been to a funeral which was attended by a very important political figure and people STILL didn't take photos because it would have been too disrespectful.
You have to think about the views of the mourners; how would they feel about you taking pictures? And how would they feel about you concentrating (even for a second) on taking a photo instead of being there for them?
Funeral - Am I cold or being reasonable?
My husband’s uncle passed away a few days ago out of state (5 hour drive). Since we were not close, my husband will be attending the wake/funeral without me (our 3 year old and I are still recovering from the flu). My husband is taking the task upon himself to be the bus service to his other siblings (aged 30+) who are not going to pay for the tolls, food, motel or gas not to mention putting the extra 1000 miles on our heap. I’ve spoken to his mother to give my regrets/sympathy and wrote a handwritten letter expressing my condolences to his aunt, bought a mass card and purchased 2 expensive bottles of liquor for my husband to take there for my mother in law and aunt to enjoy/relax. His uncle wanted donations made to charity instead of flowers, now MIL wants us to make a donation and buy flowers too. I said no to the flowers since I feel this is getting out of hand because it will cause more money problems with siblings. We won't get the money back. Am I cold or being reasonable?
Funeral - Am I cold or being reasonable?
i think m i l should be pitching in some and dictating less . it is very kind of husband to want to attend funeral however it sounds like $ is tight for you right now and i think that his sibs should either pay upfront or send their condolences via email or phone call . you are a young family and dont need the extra stress that this is going to cause you . and uncle is not going to know the difference anyway. my deepest sympathy to you and your family ... good luck
Reply:I think you should let your husband do what he feels comfortable doing. I feel everyone sure does expect a lot of him, including you. He shouldn't be made to feel he has to choose between being home to take you to a christening or take his family to a funeral! His uncle's funeral is more important and should be the priority. If you and your child are getting over the flu, you probably shouldn't go to the christening anyway---spreading germs. If you're completely well you can drive yourself (take a trial drive to make yourself feel more comfortable). Leave the decisions up to your husband and be there for him. If he wants to go out of his way to pick up his siblings--that's his decision. It's good for family to be together especially when there's been a death in the family. Don't concentrate on the fact that he wasnt' really close to his uncle. He should be there for his mother. He can let his mother know that his siblings can make a donation and get flowers since he's driving everyone. Good Luck!
Reply:You mean his mom wants him to do all this? Well really a death in his family if his mom wants him to do something then if he feels like it he should. It really depends on what HE really wants to do, he shouldn't be torn between what his wife and mother want in this situation because in this situation his mother should probably win. (if I'm understanding you right)
Kimmi said it real good, she's saying what I was thinking just worded it better!
Reply:It is not right to be told what to give as a gift. And there is a difference between a mother telling a grown son what to do and a mother telling a young boy what to do. The grown man is allowed to say "no". But your problem is not with the MIL it is with your husband being used by his family. Only he can stop it.
My brother has this problem, too, and it's all his fault, he likes to be the big cheese, and feel like he's the most important one in the family, so put upon, but he really loves it.
Reply:no and I would not have gone that far into exspenses. have them all chip in if they want to go thats only fair.
Reply:First off, you don't sound like you like your in-laws all that much.
A 5 hour drive isn't 1000 miles either! That's exageration on your part. So, I'm sure most of the story is.
No one is making your husband take out his wallet for everyone else!! He can pay for himself can't he, instead of thinking he's King Kong with a dong and wad?
He can aslo tell his mom, he's doing as his uncle wished with the flower thing. It's like your blameing his family for "twisting " your hubby's arm. All he has to do is say........I can't flip the bill for all of you!!
I don't think your being cold, I think your full of sh*t though on your rantings about your hubbys wallet!! Send him with only enough $$ to pay for gas!!
Reply:You all have made reasonable contrabutions to this funeral and your husband will have to explain this to his mother. You are not being cold, just practical, and you all know what your financial situation is, so no additional explaination is needed to the mother.
Reply:that would work better for us. I'm not familiar with the area that the baptism is being held so I wanted to go together. He is also going to have to pitch in for a family dinner. I think this is overkill for an uncle that didn't mean that much.
First of all do you hear yourself,
HIS UNCLE DIED- and IT WAS HIS MOTHERS BROTHER
( he isn't doing this for his uncle , its for his mother who could ALSO die very soon)
AND at no point have you considered his feelings in all of this,
WHO cares about the mass card,
Who cares about the liquor
Your sick with the flu,
your baby is sick so YOUR not going.
You are choosing NOT to go because its inconvienient for you.
HOWEVER he still needs to go, its HIS family and he SHOULD be there to support them,
YOU should send flowers, it far more important than the liquor
And how do they KNOW you donated to a charity, OR NOT
As far as tolls and gas, and MOTEL, he would have to do this regardless
ANd mileage on the whoopty, still would be there
and a Family dinner if VERY VERY COMMON, alot of times people send plates and you eat at home.
Please be more sympathetic, and realize he wants to please his mother, he certainly can't please her when she is DEAD.
Just my opinion
M
eyeshadow gloss
Funeral - Am I cold or being reasonable?
i think m i l should be pitching in some and dictating less . it is very kind of husband to want to attend funeral however it sounds like $ is tight for you right now and i think that his sibs should either pay upfront or send their condolences via email or phone call . you are a young family and dont need the extra stress that this is going to cause you . and uncle is not going to know the difference anyway. my deepest sympathy to you and your family ... good luck
Reply:I think you should let your husband do what he feels comfortable doing. I feel everyone sure does expect a lot of him, including you. He shouldn't be made to feel he has to choose between being home to take you to a christening or take his family to a funeral! His uncle's funeral is more important and should be the priority. If you and your child are getting over the flu, you probably shouldn't go to the christening anyway---spreading germs. If you're completely well you can drive yourself (take a trial drive to make yourself feel more comfortable). Leave the decisions up to your husband and be there for him. If he wants to go out of his way to pick up his siblings--that's his decision. It's good for family to be together especially when there's been a death in the family. Don't concentrate on the fact that he wasnt' really close to his uncle. He should be there for his mother. He can let his mother know that his siblings can make a donation and get flowers since he's driving everyone. Good Luck!
Reply:You mean his mom wants him to do all this? Well really a death in his family if his mom wants him to do something then if he feels like it he should. It really depends on what HE really wants to do, he shouldn't be torn between what his wife and mother want in this situation because in this situation his mother should probably win. (if I'm understanding you right)
Kimmi said it real good, she's saying what I was thinking just worded it better!
Reply:It is not right to be told what to give as a gift. And there is a difference between a mother telling a grown son what to do and a mother telling a young boy what to do. The grown man is allowed to say "no". But your problem is not with the MIL it is with your husband being used by his family. Only he can stop it.
My brother has this problem, too, and it's all his fault, he likes to be the big cheese, and feel like he's the most important one in the family, so put upon, but he really loves it.
Reply:no and I would not have gone that far into exspenses. have them all chip in if they want to go thats only fair.
Reply:First off, you don't sound like you like your in-laws all that much.
A 5 hour drive isn't 1000 miles either! That's exageration on your part. So, I'm sure most of the story is.
No one is making your husband take out his wallet for everyone else!! He can pay for himself can't he, instead of thinking he's King Kong with a dong and wad?
He can aslo tell his mom, he's doing as his uncle wished with the flower thing. It's like your blameing his family for "twisting " your hubby's arm. All he has to do is say........I can't flip the bill for all of you!!
I don't think your being cold, I think your full of sh*t though on your rantings about your hubbys wallet!! Send him with only enough $$ to pay for gas!!
Reply:You all have made reasonable contrabutions to this funeral and your husband will have to explain this to his mother. You are not being cold, just practical, and you all know what your financial situation is, so no additional explaination is needed to the mother.
Reply:that would work better for us. I'm not familiar with the area that the baptism is being held so I wanted to go together. He is also going to have to pitch in for a family dinner. I think this is overkill for an uncle that didn't mean that much.
First of all do you hear yourself,
HIS UNCLE DIED- and IT WAS HIS MOTHERS BROTHER
( he isn't doing this for his uncle , its for his mother who could ALSO die very soon)
AND at no point have you considered his feelings in all of this,
WHO cares about the mass card,
Who cares about the liquor
Your sick with the flu,
your baby is sick so YOUR not going.
You are choosing NOT to go because its inconvienient for you.
HOWEVER he still needs to go, its HIS family and he SHOULD be there to support them,
YOU should send flowers, it far more important than the liquor
And how do they KNOW you donated to a charity, OR NOT
As far as tolls and gas, and MOTEL, he would have to do this regardless
ANd mileage on the whoopty, still would be there
and a Family dinner if VERY VERY COMMON, alot of times people send plates and you eat at home.
Please be more sympathetic, and realize he wants to please his mother, he certainly can't please her when she is DEAD.
Just my opinion
M
Funeral help?
it seems my husband's grandmother is not doing well in the hospital. my MIL is flying up to be with her husband as he has been with his mother during this time....he told her to take clothes for a funeral. so we are preparing for the worst.
it seems a bit petty of me but i was wondering, since i have never met my husband's grandmother, how could we celebrate her life. is sending flowers and a card of sympathy enough to show how much we care about everyone's loss.
we are flying to the dakota's from south tx. over the thanksgiving holidays and i have never met my husband of three years family. just my father in law's brothers and sisters. i know his immediate family and my mother in law's family.
anyway....i want to be respectful and kind and thoughtful and make a good impression.
i'd send a bouquet of blue irises, that is my favorite flower, and a card from our family. is there anything else i can do? we can't just go and join them for a funeral.
Funeral help?
Dear, you make things WAY too hard on yourself. Just send some flowers and be done with it. This woman is ill and in the hospital and frankly, she isnt going to care whether you are socially correct with all of this. That is NOT her main concern, or the concern of her immediate family, believe me. Just do it and get on with other things. This isn't about YOU and how much etiquette YOU have, it's about her and making her feel a bit better if that is even possible. Get over yourself and just send the flowers! You say she isn't dead yet so I have no idea why in the hell you are worried about that NOW! Worry about it when it happens! And remember, this is not about YOU! I think you have lost site of this fact as you are so wrapped up in the type of flower, what the card should say, etc. No one is going to grade you on this or have a test later on. Sheesh!
Reply:You are a very thoughtful person and your plans are fine. I mean at a funeral very few people notice who those 300 dollar flowers are from. I would wait and see if the obituary notice says what charity to donate to in her memory and you might want to do that. Then write a note on the card to your inlaws saying how you regret you never met her. If your husband didnt have a close relationship with her then I wouldnt worry about it. But if he did, then ask him what is his preference. Im sure you will be respectful no matter what you do.
Reply:If you did not know her then your support would be with the family members you know.
If it were me I would wait and see what arrangements are made after she passes. They may want donations made to a certain place or organization in her memory. In the meantime you may send a not to whoever is staying with her in the hospital letting them know your thoughts are with them.
If this is your husband's family then there should be communication between them that he can enlighten you on, maybe.
Wait, send a card letting them know you care. You might even consider a phone call, more personable.The flowers will die and have no meaning over the hurt from her illness. They really just take up space in a hospital room. I worked in one long enough to know.
Reply:http://www.wikihow.com/Prepare-for-the-D...
http://www.wikihow.com/Pay-Your-Respects...
it seems a bit petty of me but i was wondering, since i have never met my husband's grandmother, how could we celebrate her life. is sending flowers and a card of sympathy enough to show how much we care about everyone's loss.
we are flying to the dakota's from south tx. over the thanksgiving holidays and i have never met my husband of three years family. just my father in law's brothers and sisters. i know his immediate family and my mother in law's family.
anyway....i want to be respectful and kind and thoughtful and make a good impression.
i'd send a bouquet of blue irises, that is my favorite flower, and a card from our family. is there anything else i can do? we can't just go and join them for a funeral.
Funeral help?
Dear, you make things WAY too hard on yourself. Just send some flowers and be done with it. This woman is ill and in the hospital and frankly, she isnt going to care whether you are socially correct with all of this. That is NOT her main concern, or the concern of her immediate family, believe me. Just do it and get on with other things. This isn't about YOU and how much etiquette YOU have, it's about her and making her feel a bit better if that is even possible. Get over yourself and just send the flowers! You say she isn't dead yet so I have no idea why in the hell you are worried about that NOW! Worry about it when it happens! And remember, this is not about YOU! I think you have lost site of this fact as you are so wrapped up in the type of flower, what the card should say, etc. No one is going to grade you on this or have a test later on. Sheesh!
Reply:You are a very thoughtful person and your plans are fine. I mean at a funeral very few people notice who those 300 dollar flowers are from. I would wait and see if the obituary notice says what charity to donate to in her memory and you might want to do that. Then write a note on the card to your inlaws saying how you regret you never met her. If your husband didnt have a close relationship with her then I wouldnt worry about it. But if he did, then ask him what is his preference. Im sure you will be respectful no matter what you do.
Reply:If you did not know her then your support would be with the family members you know.
If it were me I would wait and see what arrangements are made after she passes. They may want donations made to a certain place or organization in her memory. In the meantime you may send a not to whoever is staying with her in the hospital letting them know your thoughts are with them.
If this is your husband's family then there should be communication between them that he can enlighten you on, maybe.
Wait, send a card letting them know you care. You might even consider a phone call, more personable.The flowers will die and have no meaning over the hurt from her illness. They really just take up space in a hospital room. I worked in one long enough to know.
Reply:http://www.wikihow.com/Prepare-for-the-D...
http://www.wikihow.com/Pay-Your-Respects...
Funeral? What would you do?
I have been dating a girl for 2 months. Her grandmother just died. They will be having the funeral this weekend.
Do I ask to go to the funeral to support her?
Should she ask me if she wants me there?
I have to work, and it won't be easy for me to get off. She knows this
I plan on sending flowers to the church, is this enough?
She hasn't asked me to go to the funeral....
What would you do?
Funeral? What would you do?
ask her if he minds...if she says no say ok whatever is best for you and your family...send her flowers if she says you cant come
Reply:Ask her if she would like for you to try and be there, the flowers is a very nice touch and shows that you care you should definitely do that. Offer your condolences to her mom and dad for their loss, and just be there to support her emotionally if you cant be there for the funeral. That's really all you can do.
Reply:You should try to go to the funeral becaue she needs you. However if you absolutely cannot get off work, just tell ehr how hard you triend and she'll understand. Make sure you're available to her before and after hte funeral in case she needs to talk or be held. The flowers will be nice, her family will appreciate that.
Reply:Ask her if she wants you to go. If she says yes, then you go! I think you should deliver the flowers personally. That would seem nicer. And if she says, "No, that's okay. I know you have to work." Just say okay and show up anyway to surprise her and tell her that you had to be there anyway. But if she REALLY doesn't want you to go, like, when you ask and she practically screams "NO!" Then I wouldn't go, but I'd suspect something
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Do I ask to go to the funeral to support her?
Should she ask me if she wants me there?
I have to work, and it won't be easy for me to get off. She knows this
I plan on sending flowers to the church, is this enough?
She hasn't asked me to go to the funeral....
What would you do?
Funeral? What would you do?
ask her if he minds...if she says no say ok whatever is best for you and your family...send her flowers if she says you cant come
Reply:Ask her if she would like for you to try and be there, the flowers is a very nice touch and shows that you care you should definitely do that. Offer your condolences to her mom and dad for their loss, and just be there to support her emotionally if you cant be there for the funeral. That's really all you can do.
Reply:You should try to go to the funeral becaue she needs you. However if you absolutely cannot get off work, just tell ehr how hard you triend and she'll understand. Make sure you're available to her before and after hte funeral in case she needs to talk or be held. The flowers will be nice, her family will appreciate that.
Reply:Ask her if she wants you to go. If she says yes, then you go! I think you should deliver the flowers personally. That would seem nicer. And if she says, "No, that's okay. I know you have to work." Just say okay and show up anyway to surprise her and tell her that you had to be there anyway. But if she REALLY doesn't want you to go, like, when you ask and she practically screams "NO!" Then I wouldn't go, but I'd suspect something
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Supernatural event at my mothers funeral?
When I was at my mothers funeral yesterday. We had something bizarre happen. I was walking up towards the table her urn was on. No one else was around the table at the time. I was looking for her urn and about for feet away from the urn when all of a sudden a gust of wind came up and funneled directly into the urn blowing it out off the middle of the table and out of the reef of flowers it was in and onto the ground breaking the urn into many peices. The funeral director said that never should of happened because it was surrounded by a reef of flowers and it has never happened before. The wind didn't move anything else on the table, not any of the flowers or anything. The open side of the tent was next to the woods. It wasn't very windy outside. Just mainly the one big gust of wind that came out of the woods that knocked the urn to the ground. What meaning would you say the is has?
Supernatural event at my mothers funeral?
It was probably your mother just letting you know she's OK.
Reply:You will probably get a lot of answers telling you what other people think the meaning of the event was, but, they are all OTHER PEOPLE'S interpretation of a very personal event. The only person who has the best answer to this question is yourself. Meditate, pray, think in a quiet place, on it and listen, the messages are out there, the divine (be it god, the gods, Buddha, or any other version that you believe in) is always speaking to you, learn to trust your feelings, and your intuition, and just listen to what the divine has to tell you.
If you don't get a satisfactory answer from that then perhaps the scientific explanation is the one that best suits this circumstance and it is best left at that.
The answer is truely up to you, how you feel, and what you believe.
Reply:Very spooky!
Maybe she was annoyed about something and just wanted to let you know....,.
Or maybe she was trying to show you her presence, but tried to hard, and knocked it over by mistake.
I do not know for certain, but i do not think it was meant to harm nor frighten you in anyway.
It may not of even been anything to do with her, it could of been another spirit who is a bit mischevious!
Or it could be non of the above and the first answerers wind theory??
Who knows for certain, all i will tell you is that your mom would not try and scare you, and would not be angry at you, with death comes peace and forgivness. She loves you no matter what, Unconditionally. And she most likly did not mean to scare you.
I am sorry about your moms death, but be assured she is watching over you and your family, and is happy.
All the best.
Reply:Well, let's see....did your Mom want to be cremated? What were your thoughts as you approached the urn? Is there any unfinished business or something you needed to say or do for your Mom?
Reply:as a witch im sure your mothr was trying to communicate with you maybe she disliked the flowers or was protecting you from something
Reply:I don't know what kind of event this was, but if you want a scientifical explanation, here it is. I suppose that the wind you are talking about is similar to a gust. This happens frequetly to areas that are surrounded by objects because there is;relativlely speaking, a lot of pressure on the outside of what is blocking the urn, so the wind came through at high speeds and knocked over the urn. It is similar to acute pain because it happens to a very small area.
Reply:Not making fun of you, sounds like your mother didnt want to be in the urn. Maybe she didnt want to be enclosed in the urn.
Reply:I have a couple of theories of what happened. Here they are:
1: your mother had some enemies and their spirits are trying to keep her from eternal slumber.
2: your mother was not yet ready to pass on to the afterlife and did not wish her funeral rites be given yet.
3:Your mothers spirit was trying to warn you of something.
I am training to become a supernatural investigator. please email me all the details, and tell me about your mother. email me at radafat@aol.com.
Reply:That's just your mum letting you know she is still around you xx
Reply:She wanted to tell you that she is free now.
Supernatural event at my mothers funeral?
It was probably your mother just letting you know she's OK.
Reply:You will probably get a lot of answers telling you what other people think the meaning of the event was, but, they are all OTHER PEOPLE'S interpretation of a very personal event. The only person who has the best answer to this question is yourself. Meditate, pray, think in a quiet place, on it and listen, the messages are out there, the divine (be it god, the gods, Buddha, or any other version that you believe in) is always speaking to you, learn to trust your feelings, and your intuition, and just listen to what the divine has to tell you.
If you don't get a satisfactory answer from that then perhaps the scientific explanation is the one that best suits this circumstance and it is best left at that.
The answer is truely up to you, how you feel, and what you believe.
Reply:Very spooky!
Maybe she was annoyed about something and just wanted to let you know....,.
Or maybe she was trying to show you her presence, but tried to hard, and knocked it over by mistake.
I do not know for certain, but i do not think it was meant to harm nor frighten you in anyway.
It may not of even been anything to do with her, it could of been another spirit who is a bit mischevious!
Or it could be non of the above and the first answerers wind theory??
Who knows for certain, all i will tell you is that your mom would not try and scare you, and would not be angry at you, with death comes peace and forgivness. She loves you no matter what, Unconditionally. And she most likly did not mean to scare you.
I am sorry about your moms death, but be assured she is watching over you and your family, and is happy.
All the best.
Reply:Well, let's see....did your Mom want to be cremated? What were your thoughts as you approached the urn? Is there any unfinished business or something you needed to say or do for your Mom?
Reply:as a witch im sure your mothr was trying to communicate with you maybe she disliked the flowers or was protecting you from something
Reply:I don't know what kind of event this was, but if you want a scientifical explanation, here it is. I suppose that the wind you are talking about is similar to a gust. This happens frequetly to areas that are surrounded by objects because there is;relativlely speaking, a lot of pressure on the outside of what is blocking the urn, so the wind came through at high speeds and knocked over the urn. It is similar to acute pain because it happens to a very small area.
Reply:Not making fun of you, sounds like your mother didnt want to be in the urn. Maybe she didnt want to be enclosed in the urn.
Reply:I have a couple of theories of what happened. Here they are:
1: your mother had some enemies and their spirits are trying to keep her from eternal slumber.
2: your mother was not yet ready to pass on to the afterlife and did not wish her funeral rites be given yet.
3:Your mothers spirit was trying to warn you of something.
I am training to become a supernatural investigator. please email me all the details, and tell me about your mother. email me at radafat@aol.com.
Reply:That's just your mum letting you know she is still around you xx
Reply:She wanted to tell you that she is free now.
Funeral Wear?
I'll be attending my brother-in-law's wake and funeral this weekend. I have nothing to wear, and when I went shopping today I couldn't find anything appropriate. Everything I saw either had big bold prints or giant flowers on it or they didn't have any pieces in my size that all matched. I now have NO time to shop before we leave. Looking in my closet, I have black pieces that are a bit flashy or have patterns on them, or I have plain dressy casual clothes that are beige or tan. Would you go with plain and simple light colored clothes, or dark clothes that might be too flashy or have big prints? Do people even pay attention to wearing black at funerals anymore, particularly in the summer?
Funeral Wear?
Nothing to wear and you went shopping? Just remember the rule of thumb when it comes to funerals and fashions...all the eyes will be on the dearly departed, as long as the deceased looks good, it really doesn't matter what you look like. It's not a fashion show.
Reply:I have been to 3 funeral this year you will be fine in the plain dressy casual clothing. A friend of the family came to my grandfathers wake in a crisp button down shirt and a beige dress pants he looked just fine. Since its the springtime a lighter color is fine. As long as you look clean and well put together no one will mind you're not wearing black, navy or brown.
Reply:It's not necessary to wear dark colors, especially in summer. It would be better to wear beige clothes than flashy black ones. You don't want to wear anything to call attention to yourself. Simple is always in good taste.
I'm sorry about your loss.
Reply:just wear something modest and dark as possible as to not be noticed....no one really cares probably ya know. ( i don't mean that in a *****-ey tone) I just mean it's a funeral, ya know? it's not about the clothes.
Reply:Don't worry....wear "churchwear" The black clothing only is of the past. It was used for reverence in mourning; however, now we are more open and can easily express our condolensces in other respects-through kinds words, letters, food,etc...
Reply:Go for the beige or tan. I attended a funeral once where the widow dressed entirely in white. That is an option too. The main thing is not to look at all flashy.
Funeral Wear?
Nothing to wear and you went shopping? Just remember the rule of thumb when it comes to funerals and fashions...all the eyes will be on the dearly departed, as long as the deceased looks good, it really doesn't matter what you look like. It's not a fashion show.
Reply:I have been to 3 funeral this year you will be fine in the plain dressy casual clothing. A friend of the family came to my grandfathers wake in a crisp button down shirt and a beige dress pants he looked just fine. Since its the springtime a lighter color is fine. As long as you look clean and well put together no one will mind you're not wearing black, navy or brown.
Reply:It's not necessary to wear dark colors, especially in summer. It would be better to wear beige clothes than flashy black ones. You don't want to wear anything to call attention to yourself. Simple is always in good taste.
I'm sorry about your loss.
Reply:just wear something modest and dark as possible as to not be noticed....no one really cares probably ya know. ( i don't mean that in a *****-ey tone) I just mean it's a funeral, ya know? it's not about the clothes.
Reply:Don't worry....wear "churchwear" The black clothing only is of the past. It was used for reverence in mourning; however, now we are more open and can easily express our condolensces in other respects-through kinds words, letters, food,etc...
Reply:Go for the beige or tan. I attended a funeral once where the widow dressed entirely in white. That is an option too. The main thing is not to look at all flashy.
Supernatural event at mothers funeral?
When I was at mothers funeral yesterday. We had something bizarre happen. I was walking up towards the table her urn was on. No one else was around the table at the time. I was looking for her urn and about for feet away from the urn when all of a sudden a gust of wind came up and funneled directly into the urn blowing it out off the middle of the table and out of the reef of flowers it was in and onto the ground breaking the urn into many peices. The funeral director said that never should of happened because it was surrounded by a reef of flowers and it has never happened before. The wind didn't move anything else on the table, not any of the flowers or anything. The open side of the tent was next to the woods. It wasn't very windy outside. Just mainly the one big gust of wind that came out of the woods that knocked the urn to the ground. Would you call this a supernatural event? What meaning would you give it?
Supernatural event at mothers funeral?
it was your mother saying a final goodbye
Reply:Chalk it up to a thing that may remain unanswered forever.
There are explanations for all kind of things, some valid, some speculation, some just plain bunk.
Whatever it is, it's done and while it's really interesting, I'd say move on and not worry about it.
Reply:mysterious...........
Reply:Strange things happen, just because she died doesn't mean she's gone.
Reply:Wow! Maybe it means your mother doesn't wish for you to morn her very long so she removed the object that might be the focus of your grief.
...or (I don't know what). Very strange.
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Supernatural event at mothers funeral?
it was your mother saying a final goodbye
Reply:Chalk it up to a thing that may remain unanswered forever.
There are explanations for all kind of things, some valid, some speculation, some just plain bunk.
Whatever it is, it's done and while it's really interesting, I'd say move on and not worry about it.
Reply:mysterious...........
Reply:Strange things happen, just because she died doesn't mean she's gone.
Reply:Wow! Maybe it means your mother doesn't wish for you to morn her very long so she removed the object that might be the focus of your grief.
...or (I don't know what). Very strange.
Funeral? What would you do?
I have been dating a girl for 2 months. Her grandmother just died. They will be having the funeral this weekend.
Do I ask to go to the funeral to support her?
Should she ask me if she wants me there?
I have to work, and it won't be easy for me to get off. She knows this
I plan on sending flowers to the church, is this enough?
She hasn't asked me to go to the funeral....
What would you do?
Who should do the asking???? Me or her?
If I had someone in my family that passed, I would think it was my responcibility to ask her to come...
I feel like I would be imposing if I asked to go to her grandmother's funeral. Maybe she dosen't want me to come...?
Funeral? What would you do?
She hasn't asked you so I doubt she will, just send flowers and be supportive.
Reply:Ask her if that's is what she wants. Death in the family is a trying time, and your presence may not necessarily be a help, if she needs to deal with her grief, comfort family members, and perhaps participate in arrangements which take time and effort. You are not that well known to the family yet for your attendance to be accepted. Flowers and a handwritten note of condolence are enough, I think.
Reply:You could ask her if she wants you to come. You can make it clear to her that you are ready to be there and support her if she wants, but that you don't want to be imposing, so she should tell you which she would prefer.
Reply:if you met her grandmother then try and attend if not arrange to meet up with her after at the wake or to take her out .............she may not want you their as it's family and Friends...............and you've only been together a couple of months
Reply:Ask her if she would like you to come with her for support..she probably wont ask you. Tell her its fine if she doesnt want you to go but you know shes going through a hard time and will be there in a heartbeat if she wants you to.
Reply:In our culture, one may play truant for a happy occasion. In bereavement, we would like to be personally present and express our sorrow. I should like you to go to to funeral at any cost.
Reply:Go and give her support. At least go when you can! You really don't get invites to funerals. You go because you care.
Reply:I know that ya'll haven't been together that long, but you did say that you were gonna send flowers and that it was hard for you to get off work at last minutes notice. So what you do is in form her of your decision about the flowers, express your sympathy over her loss, and explain to her about the thing with your job, about getting time off is difficult. Tell her that your there for her after you are off work. I am sure she will understand, if she is really any kind of gurlfriend.
Reply:This is a tough one..... There are a lot of factors here: You have only been dating for a short time, too short to be considered that close to the family. You do not say how serious this relationship is so far. It is very kind of you to send flowers to the funeral, that is both thoughtful and appropriate.
She may be wondering too if it would be proper for you to attend the funeral. My best suggestion is not to flat out ask if she wants you to go, but to let her know you that you are there for her, whatever she needs, if she needs support anytime, you are available. That is kind of a way to let her know you are willing to go the funeral without directly saying it, and it would be her cue to ask you if she does really want you to go.
It is possible that she does not want to impose, already knowing that you would have a hard time getting off work. If she does ask you to go though, go ahead and do whatever you need to to get off work, she will remember that you were there or her in her time of need, or that you weren't if she does ask and you do not go.
It would also be considerate to get her a thoughtful condolence card. Good luck with this!
Reply:If she knows you are scheduled to work and it'd be hard to get off/have someone else cover for you maybe you could say something like, "I know the funeral will be hard. I'm scheduled to work, but if you want me there I could see if I can get off. I can't promise I'd be able to, but I want to be there for you if you need it. I want you to know that I do care. No pressure either way though. If it's better for you to be with just your family there, that's fine too. I just want what's best for you." She'll know that you do care and have been thinking about it. The thought goes a really long way. ... You don't say how old you are and if she still lives at home. If she does live at home, you can always speak to her parents too and say that you want to do the right thing for their daughter/your girl friend but you are not sure if you should try to get off work or not because you don't want to impose on them at the funeral. Just say you want them to know you care too and you want to do the right thing.
You need to approach the subject. Just wondering doesn't do them or or you any good. Make the offer. They may well say that they don't expect you to be there. But you should offer. Your girlfriend will appreciate and so will her parents.
Reply:I would say that unless you are at least engaged you are not invited to funerals by default.
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Do I ask to go to the funeral to support her?
Should she ask me if she wants me there?
I have to work, and it won't be easy for me to get off. She knows this
I plan on sending flowers to the church, is this enough?
She hasn't asked me to go to the funeral....
What would you do?
Who should do the asking???? Me or her?
If I had someone in my family that passed, I would think it was my responcibility to ask her to come...
I feel like I would be imposing if I asked to go to her grandmother's funeral. Maybe she dosen't want me to come...?
Funeral? What would you do?
She hasn't asked you so I doubt she will, just send flowers and be supportive.
Reply:Ask her if that's is what she wants. Death in the family is a trying time, and your presence may not necessarily be a help, if she needs to deal with her grief, comfort family members, and perhaps participate in arrangements which take time and effort. You are not that well known to the family yet for your attendance to be accepted. Flowers and a handwritten note of condolence are enough, I think.
Reply:You could ask her if she wants you to come. You can make it clear to her that you are ready to be there and support her if she wants, but that you don't want to be imposing, so she should tell you which she would prefer.
Reply:if you met her grandmother then try and attend if not arrange to meet up with her after at the wake or to take her out .............she may not want you their as it's family and Friends...............and you've only been together a couple of months
Reply:Ask her if she would like you to come with her for support..she probably wont ask you. Tell her its fine if she doesnt want you to go but you know shes going through a hard time and will be there in a heartbeat if she wants you to.
Reply:In our culture, one may play truant for a happy occasion. In bereavement, we would like to be personally present and express our sorrow. I should like you to go to to funeral at any cost.
Reply:Go and give her support. At least go when you can! You really don't get invites to funerals. You go because you care.
Reply:I know that ya'll haven't been together that long, but you did say that you were gonna send flowers and that it was hard for you to get off work at last minutes notice. So what you do is in form her of your decision about the flowers, express your sympathy over her loss, and explain to her about the thing with your job, about getting time off is difficult. Tell her that your there for her after you are off work. I am sure she will understand, if she is really any kind of gurlfriend.
Reply:This is a tough one..... There are a lot of factors here: You have only been dating for a short time, too short to be considered that close to the family. You do not say how serious this relationship is so far. It is very kind of you to send flowers to the funeral, that is both thoughtful and appropriate.
She may be wondering too if it would be proper for you to attend the funeral. My best suggestion is not to flat out ask if she wants you to go, but to let her know you that you are there for her, whatever she needs, if she needs support anytime, you are available. That is kind of a way to let her know you are willing to go the funeral without directly saying it, and it would be her cue to ask you if she does really want you to go.
It is possible that she does not want to impose, already knowing that you would have a hard time getting off work. If she does ask you to go though, go ahead and do whatever you need to to get off work, she will remember that you were there or her in her time of need, or that you weren't if she does ask and you do not go.
It would also be considerate to get her a thoughtful condolence card. Good luck with this!
Reply:If she knows you are scheduled to work and it'd be hard to get off/have someone else cover for you maybe you could say something like, "I know the funeral will be hard. I'm scheduled to work, but if you want me there I could see if I can get off. I can't promise I'd be able to, but I want to be there for you if you need it. I want you to know that I do care. No pressure either way though. If it's better for you to be with just your family there, that's fine too. I just want what's best for you." She'll know that you do care and have been thinking about it. The thought goes a really long way. ... You don't say how old you are and if she still lives at home. If she does live at home, you can always speak to her parents too and say that you want to do the right thing for their daughter/your girl friend but you are not sure if you should try to get off work or not because you don't want to impose on them at the funeral. Just say you want them to know you care too and you want to do the right thing.
You need to approach the subject. Just wondering doesn't do them or or you any good. Make the offer. They may well say that they don't expect you to be there. But you should offer. Your girlfriend will appreciate and so will her parents.
Reply:I would say that unless you are at least engaged you are not invited to funerals by default.
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Special Funeral ????
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closet. Just then one of the
mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
" I was thinking about my own funeral!" the man replied.
" What's so funny about that?"
" I'm a gynecologist.!"
Special Funeral ????
ha ha !
bon mon ami, et si cela avait été un proctologue?
Reply:can`t help thinking.lol
Reply:lol
Reply:Funny
Reply:?ooooh!
what a display that'll be!!
/?\
hahahaha
cheers
Reply:(*)
Reply:Hello my Friend l'Antipodien!
How are you?
Your joke is wonderfull so as life ;-))
Kisses!
Reply:Fail.
Reply:?? dont get it....
Reply:LOL...
Reply:haha nice! That would be one wierd funeral to go to! lol :p
love it! you get a star!
mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
" I was thinking about my own funeral!" the man replied.
" What's so funny about that?"
" I'm a gynecologist.!"
Special Funeral ????
ha ha !
bon mon ami, et si cela avait été un proctologue?
Reply:can`t help thinking.lol
Reply:lol
Reply:Funny
Reply:?ooooh!
what a display that'll be!!
/?\
hahahaha
cheers
Reply:(*)
Reply:Hello my Friend l'Antipodien!
How are you?
Your joke is wonderfull so as life ;-))
Kisses!
Reply:Fail.
Reply:?? dont get it....
Reply:LOL...
Reply:haha nice! That would be one wierd funeral to go to! lol :p
love it! you get a star!
Supernatural event at mothers funeral?
When I was at mothers funeral yesterday. We had something bizarre happen. I was walking up towards the table her urn was on. No one else was around the table at the time. I was looking for her urn and about for feet away from the urn when all of a sudden a gust of wind came up and funneled directly into the urn blowing it out off the middle of the table and out of the reef of flowers it was in and onto the ground breaking the urn into many peices. The funeral director said that never should of happened because it was surrounded by a reef of flowers and it has never happened before. The wind didn't move anything else on the table, not any of the flowers or anything. The open side of the tent was next to the woods. It wasn't very windy outside. Just mainly the one big gust of wind that came out of the woods that knocked the urn to the ground. Would you call this a supernatural event? What meaning would you give it?
Supernatural event at mothers funeral?
sorry for your loss.
maybe she wanted her remains to be free.
Reply:You should probably talk to your doctor about this... the death of your mother is clearly causing you some stress-related perceptual problems.
Reply:Strange, but not supernatural. The wind does things like that.
Reply:Just because you die doesn't mean that you can't effect things in the physical realm . Did you see Patrick Swazie in " Ghosts " ? Your mom probably did it trying to get you
to tell about this on R%26amp;S so that I could tell you that you have to obey all of Jesus' teachings ( especially Mat. 5:48 ) so that you don't end up like her and nakedness .
Reply:I find it odd you being here the day after your mothers funeral.
Supernatural event at mothers funeral?
sorry for your loss.
maybe she wanted her remains to be free.
Reply:You should probably talk to your doctor about this... the death of your mother is clearly causing you some stress-related perceptual problems.
Reply:Strange, but not supernatural. The wind does things like that.
Reply:Just because you die doesn't mean that you can't effect things in the physical realm . Did you see Patrick Swazie in " Ghosts " ? Your mom probably did it trying to get you
to tell about this on R%26amp;S so that I could tell you that you have to obey all of Jesus' teachings ( especially Mat. 5:48 ) so that you don't end up like her and nakedness .
Reply:I find it odd you being here the day after your mothers funeral.
Funeral help?
Funeral help?
it seems my husband's grandmother is not doing well in the hospital. my MIL is flying up to be with her husband as he has been with his mother during this time....he told her to take clothes for a funeral. so we are preparing for the worst.
it seems a bit petty of me but i was wondering, since i have never met my husband's grandmother, how could we celebrate her life. is sending flowers and a card of sympathy enough to show how much we care about everyone's loss.
we are flying to the dakota's from south tx. over the thanksgiving holidays and i have never met my husband of three years family. just my father in law's brothers and sisters. i know his immediate family and my mother in law's family.
anyway....i want to be respectful and kind and thoughtful and make a good impression.
i'd send a bouquet of blue irises, that is my favorite flower, and a card from our family. is there anything else i can do? we can't just go and join them for a funeral.
Funeral help?
Funerals are for the survivors ... so, examine your relationship with your father %26amp; mother - in -laws ... where is this relationship today ... How is celebrations like Christmas, Easter, and Birthday's handled?
Certainly, funerals reflect the families personality. Some have "Wakes" where the life is celebrated ... while others have solome gatherings ... psychologically, your in-law's are becoming Orphan's ... and this is difficulte even at older ages ... yes a 60-80 year old griefs ... I guess since your husband is the ambasidor to link your familiy to his ... talk with your husband ... learn from your husband how his relationship with his GM is ... how his parents bond with GM ... and so on ... then once you've familiarized yourself is when u'll understand what to do to show reverence or celibration of this life.
Reply:I would say Flowers and a card shows you are thinking of them in there time of loss.I know I appreciated in when someone I love has passed away.
Reply:rather than flowers
send money that you would have spent on flowers
to a Charity
in Her Memory
such as meals on wheels
or
Hospice
less temporary than flowers
and it helps the family to know that Her memorial gift helped someone in need
Reply:I'm sure the flowers will be fine. Hey, if I was in your position, I wouldn't even be able to go at all because of lack of $$. Taking 3 small ones with you is even harder. They are not going to be there "judging you" and how you react at a funeral AT ALL. There will be too much other stuff going on. Just be there and be supportive.
Reply:Your idea is wonderful. Your presence is the best gift and remembered far after flowers have faded. Don't worry about the impression you will create. The whole attitude of your email shows you are a caring person and that comes across anyway.
it seems my husband's grandmother is not doing well in the hospital. my MIL is flying up to be with her husband as he has been with his mother during this time....he told her to take clothes for a funeral. so we are preparing for the worst.
it seems a bit petty of me but i was wondering, since i have never met my husband's grandmother, how could we celebrate her life. is sending flowers and a card of sympathy enough to show how much we care about everyone's loss.
we are flying to the dakota's from south tx. over the thanksgiving holidays and i have never met my husband of three years family. just my father in law's brothers and sisters. i know his immediate family and my mother in law's family.
anyway....i want to be respectful and kind and thoughtful and make a good impression.
i'd send a bouquet of blue irises, that is my favorite flower, and a card from our family. is there anything else i can do? we can't just go and join them for a funeral.
Funeral help?
Funerals are for the survivors ... so, examine your relationship with your father %26amp; mother - in -laws ... where is this relationship today ... How is celebrations like Christmas, Easter, and Birthday's handled?
Certainly, funerals reflect the families personality. Some have "Wakes" where the life is celebrated ... while others have solome gatherings ... psychologically, your in-law's are becoming Orphan's ... and this is difficulte even at older ages ... yes a 60-80 year old griefs ... I guess since your husband is the ambasidor to link your familiy to his ... talk with your husband ... learn from your husband how his relationship with his GM is ... how his parents bond with GM ... and so on ... then once you've familiarized yourself is when u'll understand what to do to show reverence or celibration of this life.
Reply:I would say Flowers and a card shows you are thinking of them in there time of loss.I know I appreciated in when someone I love has passed away.
Reply:rather than flowers
send money that you would have spent on flowers
to a Charity
in Her Memory
such as meals on wheels
or
Hospice
less temporary than flowers
and it helps the family to know that Her memorial gift helped someone in need
Reply:I'm sure the flowers will be fine. Hey, if I was in your position, I wouldn't even be able to go at all because of lack of $$. Taking 3 small ones with you is even harder. They are not going to be there "judging you" and how you react at a funeral AT ALL. There will be too much other stuff going on. Just be there and be supportive.
Reply:Your idea is wonderful. Your presence is the best gift and remembered far after flowers have faded. Don't worry about the impression you will create. The whole attitude of your email shows you are a caring person and that comes across anyway.
My grandpa just died and I want to send flowers to my grandma, what should I write on the card?
I am not able to attend the out of state funeral but I would like to send something to my grandma to let her know I care and that although I'm not there, I feel her pain and grandpa will be missed.
My grandpa just died and I want to send flowers to my grandma, what should I write on the card?
just be honest and from the heart..
tell her how much you loved your grandpa and the nice memories you have of him...and that you are there for her if she needs to talk.
She will understand.
Im sorry for your loss...
Reply:Tell her what you thought of your grandpa. Just do a list of his positive attributes. Don't make a huge story out of it. Simple is better and get the point across.
Also maybe try calling your grandma and talking to her after the flowers and card get there.
Reply:Don't worry about the card because you will speak to her on the phone or write a long, loving letter, on top of sending flowers. Just say, "all my love" or something like that on card for flowers.
BTW, after several weeks, all the attention on grandma will die down. She will be left lonely and feeling that people don't care about grandpa anymore. So it's then that you must call and write a lot.
shoes stockacne cream
My grandpa just died and I want to send flowers to my grandma, what should I write on the card?
just be honest and from the heart..
tell her how much you loved your grandpa and the nice memories you have of him...and that you are there for her if she needs to talk.
She will understand.
Im sorry for your loss...
Reply:Tell her what you thought of your grandpa. Just do a list of his positive attributes. Don't make a huge story out of it. Simple is better and get the point across.
Also maybe try calling your grandma and talking to her after the flowers and card get there.
Reply:Don't worry about the card because you will speak to her on the phone or write a long, loving letter, on top of sending flowers. Just say, "all my love" or something like that on card for flowers.
BTW, after several weeks, all the attention on grandma will die down. She will be left lonely and feeling that people don't care about grandpa anymore. So it's then that you must call and write a lot.
shoes stock
Ex husband funeral?
Is it necessary to attend the funeral of my ex husband, my children live in the same province as him which is 1500 miles away, I do not want to offend my children by not attending but it is after all a long distance. I have remarried and was wondering if I sent flowers and how the card should read I have a very good relationship with my children they are adults now. I was wondering if anyone else has encounted this problem.
Ex husband funeral?
I would go for the children's sake to pay your respects if you can afford the trip and get off work.The right thing is always appropriate. If you send flowers and a card, just get a sympathy card and sign it with your new married name. A letter is not necessary or expected.
Reply:I would not think it necessary...either way your ex-husband won't care. It's your children who might care ...so ...ask their opinion. Do whatever you need to do to support your children emotionally.
Reply:I don't think attending the funeral would hurt your present relationship. The way I see it, funeral is a time where you show your moral support to the grieving family of your ex-husband. it is one way of showing that you care for them and comfort them in moments of grief most specially if you still had children with your ex-husband.
Reply:I think you should be there for your children and help them deal with the grief of losing their father...
Reply:I think you should consider going, after all, this is the father of your children and no matter how old they are, it is still devastating to lose your parent. But also, you may regret it down the road for your own sake. After all, he helped you give life to, from what you've written, the most special people in your life. You loved him at some point in life, I have always been a firm believer that even if you break up with someone and go your different ways, if you loved them, truly loved them then that love never dies. It may change from a romantic love to just an overall caring love but nonetheless it is still love.
I just encourage you to think about it, good, your kids I'm sure would love to have their Mom's shoulder during their time of need. Good luck and God bless!
Reply:well your children are adults and its a great distance so i would think it would be appropriate to send flowers and a card, if he has remarried to his widow if not to your children.after all you were married.where i come from in our family it is common for ex wives or husbands to attend their exes families funerals and to visit their ex inlaws when they are in a hospital and nursing home.it is just considered the proper thing to do.my oldest brothers ex motherinlaw and fatherinlaw visited my parents and attended their funerals.it was a lovely gesture.i am sorry for your loss and your childrens loss.good luck.
Reply:No its not necessary to attend but he is the man that gave you your kids go show respect for that distance does not matter when children are in the middle not even adult children. Take flowers the card could say will never forget you . GO SUPPORT your kids
Reply:dont go. especially if he was remarried, your prescence will be awkward to everyone there. i hope that your children will understand this and if they really want you there, then they can pay for your airfare. sending flowers to them is a really nice gesture. go visit your kids later, right now they have everyone else to support them.
Reply:go to the funeral. even though hes your ex, you loved him and hes still important. just go. and yea, bring flowers, cards, the whole thing. ttyl.
Reply:Well, when my father passed my mother attended his funeral and she also remarried. She stated that she attended because she did use to be married to him and because he was the father of her children. So, no... it is not necessary but maybe at least just out of respect for your children you could attend and maybe also because you were married to him at one point in your life... the decision is really up to you and it just depends on how you feel about the situation. Whatever you decide, I am sure that it will the best decision for you.
Reply:Well if I was in your shoes I would express my concerns to my children, ask them if they really needed you there, that you would go to be moral support for them but if they could do this without you that you would rather send flowers and condolenceses to the familie, but that the trip is alot for you to handle. But if they need you then go
Reply:That is a chapter of your life that is closed. To honor your children's feelings you can call the family and send flowers or a basket. The card should only express your condolences for their loss.
Reply:When my brother-in-law died, his first 2 ex-wives showed up along with his current fiance. He won't know if you go or not, but your children will. If you go, you never will have the regret of not saying your last good-bye.
Reply:Yes! Go!
Reply:i think you should be there for your children, unless they are married and have spouses to support them during this time
Ex husband funeral?
I would go for the children's sake to pay your respects if you can afford the trip and get off work.The right thing is always appropriate. If you send flowers and a card, just get a sympathy card and sign it with your new married name. A letter is not necessary or expected.
Reply:I would not think it necessary...either way your ex-husband won't care. It's your children who might care ...so ...ask their opinion. Do whatever you need to do to support your children emotionally.
Reply:I don't think attending the funeral would hurt your present relationship. The way I see it, funeral is a time where you show your moral support to the grieving family of your ex-husband. it is one way of showing that you care for them and comfort them in moments of grief most specially if you still had children with your ex-husband.
Reply:I think you should be there for your children and help them deal with the grief of losing their father...
Reply:I think you should consider going, after all, this is the father of your children and no matter how old they are, it is still devastating to lose your parent. But also, you may regret it down the road for your own sake. After all, he helped you give life to, from what you've written, the most special people in your life. You loved him at some point in life, I have always been a firm believer that even if you break up with someone and go your different ways, if you loved them, truly loved them then that love never dies. It may change from a romantic love to just an overall caring love but nonetheless it is still love.
I just encourage you to think about it, good, your kids I'm sure would love to have their Mom's shoulder during their time of need. Good luck and God bless!
Reply:well your children are adults and its a great distance so i would think it would be appropriate to send flowers and a card, if he has remarried to his widow if not to your children.after all you were married.where i come from in our family it is common for ex wives or husbands to attend their exes families funerals and to visit their ex inlaws when they are in a hospital and nursing home.it is just considered the proper thing to do.my oldest brothers ex motherinlaw and fatherinlaw visited my parents and attended their funerals.it was a lovely gesture.i am sorry for your loss and your childrens loss.good luck.
Reply:No its not necessary to attend but he is the man that gave you your kids go show respect for that distance does not matter when children are in the middle not even adult children. Take flowers the card could say will never forget you . GO SUPPORT your kids
Reply:dont go. especially if he was remarried, your prescence will be awkward to everyone there. i hope that your children will understand this and if they really want you there, then they can pay for your airfare. sending flowers to them is a really nice gesture. go visit your kids later, right now they have everyone else to support them.
Reply:go to the funeral. even though hes your ex, you loved him and hes still important. just go. and yea, bring flowers, cards, the whole thing. ttyl.
Reply:Well, when my father passed my mother attended his funeral and she also remarried. She stated that she attended because she did use to be married to him and because he was the father of her children. So, no... it is not necessary but maybe at least just out of respect for your children you could attend and maybe also because you were married to him at one point in your life... the decision is really up to you and it just depends on how you feel about the situation. Whatever you decide, I am sure that it will the best decision for you.
Reply:Well if I was in your shoes I would express my concerns to my children, ask them if they really needed you there, that you would go to be moral support for them but if they could do this without you that you would rather send flowers and condolenceses to the familie, but that the trip is alot for you to handle. But if they need you then go
Reply:That is a chapter of your life that is closed. To honor your children's feelings you can call the family and send flowers or a basket. The card should only express your condolences for their loss.
Reply:When my brother-in-law died, his first 2 ex-wives showed up along with his current fiance. He won't know if you go or not, but your children will. If you go, you never will have the regret of not saying your last good-bye.
Reply:Yes! Go!
Reply:i think you should be there for your children, unless they are married and have spouses to support them during this time
Lost Ex BF to Suicide - Funeral Question?
My ex-bf committed suicide on Sat. His memorial service is Wed. We spent 7 years together, but that was five years ago. The relationship was very stormy; he was controlling and abusive. We managed to part on good terms, which was good since we worked in the same industry and sometimes crossed paths. I have forgiven him for his actions towards me, and we maintained a cordial, almost business like relationship. I am very upset about his suicide. The thought of going to the memorial service is making me ill. On one hand, perhaps I should be a 'big girl' - I mean, nobody wants to go to a funeral. But it took me a long time to heal from the abuse, and I feel like seeing his family ( that I was never close with),his wife who saw me as a threat (no reason ), and dealing with seeing people from my old, bad life ( that I had left behind) is going to rip open a bunch of issues for me. I have sent flowers to his wife and his family, and will write them letters. Can I skip the service?
Lost Ex BF to Suicide - Funeral Question?
Since you have been apart for 5 years, and had both moved on with your lives, there is no reason you should have to attend. It is really about what you need. A funeral is to "pay your respects" to the bereaved family, and say a final good-bye to the deceased. If you do not get on well with the family, you won't be doing them any favors by being there.
I was outraged when my long-term partner's ex-wife (she had dumped him for another guy more than 8 years before his death) had the nerve to show up at his funeral and act like she was the grieving widow! He and I had been together for more than 7 years, and had stayed together until God saw fit to call him home. I couldn't even go to the wake because the rest of the family had invited her! I didn't mind that she attended, but she tried to make it all about her! That is just my story, though.
If you feel the need to say good-bye, go very early, don't stay longer than you need to, and be discreet. Dignity and grace is the order of the day. The funeral is no place to dredge up bad memories. If you don't want to see the family, perhaps you could visit his grave later and say good-bye to him privately.
Do what makes you feel at peace, while avoiding causing his family any further pain. All an ex needs to do in this situation is send flowers and perhaps a sympathy card to the family. More isn't necessary, and likely won't be welcome.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Even though it wasn't a good relationship, you must have loved him once. You do what you need to, and don't worry about what everybody else thinks. Good luck.
Reply:You've done enough.
Re: this word 'closure' - is nonesense, there is never closure, you will always remember, but the key is to learn to live with the memory and be positive.
Be happy, move on.
Reply:I'd skip the service. I see no positive thing coming out of it for you or his family. Sending flowers and writing letters will be sufficient to my thinking. You might want to spend the day instead in meditation or doing some charity work. Don't be alone. Good luck.
Reply:It would probably be a good idea to skip the service. If you feel you need the closure, then you can visit his grave at a time when you would be alone and don't have to deal with the people from this not so happy past life.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Suicide is never easy to deal with, no matter what the relationship was.
Reply:Yes, skip it.
It wouldn't be good for you or the family and serves no reasonable purpose.
Reply:ur own happiness and well being is the most important thing, it sounds liek it could seriously upset u if u go, i think sending flowers was sufficient enough to show them ur sympathies without revisiting old memories ?
Reply:Yes, I think you should. You seem very upset about it. It would not do to show up at the funeral and be upset.
Your relationship was a long time ago.
and I do not think the wife, who is the chief mourner, will appreciate your being there.
Celebrate that you have and moved on, and healed from the abuse. Stay home, and mourn in private.
You can always visit the grave later, in private, and make your peace with yourself.
Reply:As much as I hate the expression, going to his memorial service may give you some "closure" . Even though you sound like you have moved on from what happened, I'm guessing his death has stirred up a few feelings and emotions for you.. However, if the mere thought of going is making you ill, perhaps staying away is the better option. You have more than done your "duty " by sending flowers and writing letters. You can always go to where he has been buried or his ashes laid to rest after all the fuss has died down and make your peace with him on your own in private.
Reply:Yes, skip the service. The service is for the living and we go to give comfort to those left behind. If his wife sees you as a threat then she will not be comforted, nor would his family be as you were not close.
Reply:I am very sorry to hear about your problem. You are not obligated to go the service, as you are not a member of his family. You have sent your condolences to the family and that is sufficient for now. The reason we attend funerals is to comfort the family and others who may be grieving. We also go to say farewell and to recieve the comfort from others. As an ex-girlfriend, you will probably not be recognized as a mourner who needs comfort, and you seem to believe that you won't be able to provide succor to the other mourners by your presence. There is actually little closure to outstanding emotional issues that can be accomplished during a memorial service. You do not need to open up those issues immediately, but can grieve on your own. Good luck.
Reply:Yes. You hold no obligations to this man. Going to his funeral would just cause and emotional setback in what seems to be a healing wound. Going to his funeral would just open up old wounds for you, his wife, and possibly his family. You have done more than is required by writing letters and sending flowers.
Reply:i personally think its whatever your heart is telling you...and also to think of it this way you would hate to cause his wife any more pain, if she saw you as a threat you being at his funeral may upset her even more. however you could always go 30 minutes earlier than what it is posted...most funeral homes do allow this and most of the time no one is really there. also maybe take a friend with you or even your spouse to sorta calm the whole ex thing down....
Reply:We as people seek to find a formal reckoning, with life and death.
We seek to realize that the death was genuine, as unbelievable as it seems.
Whether the person was dearly loved, or somewhat of a monster in our life we seek to memorialize and say a final goodbye.
Some seek to see it through as a matter of formality.
Some seek solace in the company of others
Some seek a reason to find a smile for the person.
Many seek to find comfort in the words the minister speaks.
We come to mark this day as a way to honor and respect the person we knew.
Some of us try to go through it with no tears, while others are flooded deep feelings of despair.
Yet others are rejoicing that the pain has ended, looking forward to seeing them again someday in heaven.
You need to do what is best for your own heart and mind. Do what will assist you to seize the moment to say goodbye.
If you feel that being in that setting with that specific group of people would do you harm in some way, then it may be best to choose another way and another time to memorialize your former friend.
Etiquette is not my orientation, rather I come from the viewpoint of mental and emotional health.
Reply:Sure you can. You've paid your respects; there's no need to force youself into an uncomfortable situation. These people were probably aware of the abuse you were getting for 5 years.
You've done enough in my opinion. the final decision is, however, up to you. Don't torture yourself.
If you choose to go, keep it a short visit. You don't have to say hello to everybody
Reply:Yes , Skip the service ! A show of sympathy through a card , and memorial flowers is more than adequate for your situation .
Reply:Yes, I think the wife would even want you to skip the service :) Flowers and letters will do :)
Reply:Yes. Why open a bunch of old wounds? You've done the mature thing and shown that you care by sending flowers and condolences, but you are no way obligated and by the sounds of it, not really welcome to go. If you feel you need it as some sort of closure, vistit the cemetary after the funeral.
Reply:If you are going to start trouble ( not saying that you are) then yes stay home. If you are going for closure then go and leave, dont linger. If my husbands x wife comes to his funneral she will be asked to leave. But she put me through hell. she didnt want him except to pay her bills and take care of her financially and when we met and he left her she was boo hooing so it all depends on why you are going
Reply:I think I would skip the service, It was very considerate of you to send flowers , and to even think of writing a letter.
Besides funerals are so overrated.
Reply:You are an old GF, he had moved on before his suicide, there's no reason to attend. I think you've done more than enough by sending flowers %26amp; notes, that is all that is expected of you.
You need to think about you %26amp; your healing, no need to think of him (he doesn't care anymore) or his family (they have each other).
Lost Ex BF to Suicide - Funeral Question?
Since you have been apart for 5 years, and had both moved on with your lives, there is no reason you should have to attend. It is really about what you need. A funeral is to "pay your respects" to the bereaved family, and say a final good-bye to the deceased. If you do not get on well with the family, you won't be doing them any favors by being there.
I was outraged when my long-term partner's ex-wife (she had dumped him for another guy more than 8 years before his death) had the nerve to show up at his funeral and act like she was the grieving widow! He and I had been together for more than 7 years, and had stayed together until God saw fit to call him home. I couldn't even go to the wake because the rest of the family had invited her! I didn't mind that she attended, but she tried to make it all about her! That is just my story, though.
If you feel the need to say good-bye, go very early, don't stay longer than you need to, and be discreet. Dignity and grace is the order of the day. The funeral is no place to dredge up bad memories. If you don't want to see the family, perhaps you could visit his grave later and say good-bye to him privately.
Do what makes you feel at peace, while avoiding causing his family any further pain. All an ex needs to do in this situation is send flowers and perhaps a sympathy card to the family. More isn't necessary, and likely won't be welcome.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Even though it wasn't a good relationship, you must have loved him once. You do what you need to, and don't worry about what everybody else thinks. Good luck.
Reply:You've done enough.
Re: this word 'closure' - is nonesense, there is never closure, you will always remember, but the key is to learn to live with the memory and be positive.
Be happy, move on.
Reply:I'd skip the service. I see no positive thing coming out of it for you or his family. Sending flowers and writing letters will be sufficient to my thinking. You might want to spend the day instead in meditation or doing some charity work. Don't be alone. Good luck.
Reply:It would probably be a good idea to skip the service. If you feel you need the closure, then you can visit his grave at a time when you would be alone and don't have to deal with the people from this not so happy past life.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Suicide is never easy to deal with, no matter what the relationship was.
Reply:Yes, skip it.
It wouldn't be good for you or the family and serves no reasonable purpose.
Reply:ur own happiness and well being is the most important thing, it sounds liek it could seriously upset u if u go, i think sending flowers was sufficient enough to show them ur sympathies without revisiting old memories ?
Reply:Yes, I think you should. You seem very upset about it. It would not do to show up at the funeral and be upset.
Your relationship was a long time ago.
and I do not think the wife, who is the chief mourner, will appreciate your being there.
Celebrate that you have and moved on, and healed from the abuse. Stay home, and mourn in private.
You can always visit the grave later, in private, and make your peace with yourself.
Reply:As much as I hate the expression, going to his memorial service may give you some "closure" . Even though you sound like you have moved on from what happened, I'm guessing his death has stirred up a few feelings and emotions for you.. However, if the mere thought of going is making you ill, perhaps staying away is the better option. You have more than done your "duty " by sending flowers and writing letters. You can always go to where he has been buried or his ashes laid to rest after all the fuss has died down and make your peace with him on your own in private.
Reply:Yes, skip the service. The service is for the living and we go to give comfort to those left behind. If his wife sees you as a threat then she will not be comforted, nor would his family be as you were not close.
Reply:I am very sorry to hear about your problem. You are not obligated to go the service, as you are not a member of his family. You have sent your condolences to the family and that is sufficient for now. The reason we attend funerals is to comfort the family and others who may be grieving. We also go to say farewell and to recieve the comfort from others. As an ex-girlfriend, you will probably not be recognized as a mourner who needs comfort, and you seem to believe that you won't be able to provide succor to the other mourners by your presence. There is actually little closure to outstanding emotional issues that can be accomplished during a memorial service. You do not need to open up those issues immediately, but can grieve on your own. Good luck.
Reply:Yes. You hold no obligations to this man. Going to his funeral would just cause and emotional setback in what seems to be a healing wound. Going to his funeral would just open up old wounds for you, his wife, and possibly his family. You have done more than is required by writing letters and sending flowers.
Reply:i personally think its whatever your heart is telling you...and also to think of it this way you would hate to cause his wife any more pain, if she saw you as a threat you being at his funeral may upset her even more. however you could always go 30 minutes earlier than what it is posted...most funeral homes do allow this and most of the time no one is really there. also maybe take a friend with you or even your spouse to sorta calm the whole ex thing down....
Reply:We as people seek to find a formal reckoning, with life and death.
We seek to realize that the death was genuine, as unbelievable as it seems.
Whether the person was dearly loved, or somewhat of a monster in our life we seek to memorialize and say a final goodbye.
Some seek to see it through as a matter of formality.
Some seek solace in the company of others
Some seek a reason to find a smile for the person.
Many seek to find comfort in the words the minister speaks.
We come to mark this day as a way to honor and respect the person we knew.
Some of us try to go through it with no tears, while others are flooded deep feelings of despair.
Yet others are rejoicing that the pain has ended, looking forward to seeing them again someday in heaven.
You need to do what is best for your own heart and mind. Do what will assist you to seize the moment to say goodbye.
If you feel that being in that setting with that specific group of people would do you harm in some way, then it may be best to choose another way and another time to memorialize your former friend.
Etiquette is not my orientation, rather I come from the viewpoint of mental and emotional health.
Reply:Sure you can. You've paid your respects; there's no need to force youself into an uncomfortable situation. These people were probably aware of the abuse you were getting for 5 years.
You've done enough in my opinion. the final decision is, however, up to you. Don't torture yourself.
If you choose to go, keep it a short visit. You don't have to say hello to everybody
Reply:Yes , Skip the service ! A show of sympathy through a card , and memorial flowers is more than adequate for your situation .
Reply:Yes, I think the wife would even want you to skip the service :) Flowers and letters will do :)
Reply:Yes. Why open a bunch of old wounds? You've done the mature thing and shown that you care by sending flowers and condolences, but you are no way obligated and by the sounds of it, not really welcome to go. If you feel you need it as some sort of closure, vistit the cemetary after the funeral.
Reply:If you are going to start trouble ( not saying that you are) then yes stay home. If you are going for closure then go and leave, dont linger. If my husbands x wife comes to his funneral she will be asked to leave. But she put me through hell. she didnt want him except to pay her bills and take care of her financially and when we met and he left her she was boo hooing so it all depends on why you are going
Reply:I think I would skip the service, It was very considerate of you to send flowers , and to even think of writing a letter.
Besides funerals are so overrated.
Reply:You are an old GF, he had moved on before his suicide, there's no reason to attend. I think you've done more than enough by sending flowers %26amp; notes, that is all that is expected of you.
You need to think about you %26amp; your healing, no need to think of him (he doesn't care anymore) or his family (they have each other).
Very funny funeral joke?
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
Very funny funeral joke?
Dude are you trying to kill me with laughter or what?? here are short ones for you as well
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying"
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
Married life is frustrating. The first year of marriage, the man speaks And the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
Reply:hehehe%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;funny one
By any chance, are you a doctor?
Reply:I love it.
I could say many crude jokes here, but I will refrain from it.
Reply:That's too cool. Reminded me of those rosey red lips that were opened for me tonite. aaaahhhhh and a clean plate at that.
Reply:ok, i must admit that made me giggle.
Reply:funny, lol.
Reply:He wouldn't be laughing if he was a proctocologist.
Reply:hee hee
Reply:Ha ha!!!
Reply:i don't like thinking about my death! boohoo! thanks a lot!
Reply:funny...
Reply:funnyyyyyyyyyyyy...................
Reply:LOL.... its funny
Reply:lmao, omg that is hilarious. hahahahaha
thanx for the laughs
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
Very funny funeral joke?
Dude are you trying to kill me with laughter or what?? here are short ones for you as well
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying"
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
Married life is frustrating. The first year of marriage, the man speaks And the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
Reply:hehehe%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;funny one
By any chance, are you a doctor?
Reply:I love it.
I could say many crude jokes here, but I will refrain from it.
Reply:That's too cool. Reminded me of those rosey red lips that were opened for me tonite. aaaahhhhh and a clean plate at that.
Reply:ok, i must admit that made me giggle.
Reply:funny, lol.
Reply:He wouldn't be laughing if he was a proctocologist.
Reply:hee hee
Reply:Ha ha!!!
Reply:i don't like thinking about my death! boohoo! thanks a lot!
Reply:funny...
Reply:funnyyyyyyyyyyyy...................
Reply:LOL.... its funny
Reply:lmao, omg that is hilarious. hahahahaha
thanx for the laughs
The funeral - funny or not?
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed.
Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a nose specialist."
The funeral - funny or not?
Very good, my dad's a gynaecologist! Imagine his!
Reply:ok
Reply:Change the last line to "I'm a gynaecologist"...eeek!
Reply:It's okay, but a gynecologist or proctologist would have been funnier.
Reply:How about changing the last line to - "I'm a gynecologist!" Now THAT'S funny! ha ha ha
Reply:ha ha ha funny
Reply:very good!! have a star!!
Reply:ok not bad.
Reply:hmm not bad but could do with a better ending xxx
Reply:a little dry
Reply:hahaha lol
Reply:It's cute but a Proctologist would be funnier.
Reply:Or I'm a proctologist
Reply:I agree with f0xymoron!!!
lol
that would be an even funnier joke!!
xx
Reply:i just read all your jokes and there funny as hell i am going back through them to star them all thanx for the laugh
Reply:I get it so you can have a lol! x
Reply:yes
Reply:I heard the joke but the end was a proctologist..(butt dr)
Fillings
Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a nose specialist."
The funeral - funny or not?
Very good, my dad's a gynaecologist! Imagine his!
Reply:ok
Reply:Change the last line to "I'm a gynaecologist"...eeek!
Reply:It's okay, but a gynecologist or proctologist would have been funnier.
Reply:How about changing the last line to - "I'm a gynecologist!" Now THAT'S funny! ha ha ha
Reply:ha ha ha funny
Reply:very good!! have a star!!
Reply:ok not bad.
Reply:hmm not bad but could do with a better ending xxx
Reply:a little dry
Reply:hahaha lol
Reply:It's cute but a Proctologist would be funnier.
Reply:Or I'm a proctologist
Reply:I agree with f0xymoron!!!
lol
that would be an even funnier joke!!
xx
Reply:i just read all your jokes and there funny as hell i am going back through them to star them all thanx for the laugh
Reply:I get it so you can have a lol! x
Reply:yes
Reply:I heard the joke but the end was a proctologist..(butt dr)
Fillings
Have you ever been to a strange funeral? Well I have.?
My cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a hugh mock up of a heart made up of flowers. And after everyone said our good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one the mourners burst out laughing. The guy standing next to him asked why are you laughing? I was thinking about my own funeral the man replied. What's so funny about that? I'm a gynecologist.
Have you ever been to a strange funeral? Well I have.?
Cute, Imagine if he were a proctologist
Reply:what a way to go,,,:)
Reply:All right already, now you're getting into the real guffaw stuff -- thanks
Reply:Good one!
Reply:RFLMAO that was the best yet. I keep saying that but they just keep getting better. I love this place.
Reply:that is so good.
when I do go, I want to do it with a smile on my face.
and a smile on all of my friends and families faces also.
Reply:OK, you got me! Very funny. Goldwing
Reply:I went to a funeral for a friend who was a comedian writer and a sometimes joke Elvis impersonator
as his casket was being wheeled out of the Church
someone yelled " the King has left the building"
everyone stood up and gave the dead guy a standing ovation
Reply:most excellent have a star
Reply:Thanx for the laugh
Reply:gotcha!!! good one. what about a proctologist. backside, think about it!!!
Reply:Definitely returning from whence we came.
Me. I`ve ordered a brass band to lead the cortege, playing rousing marches.
Reply:excellent ....................xxxx
Reply:lol You are on a roll today, sweetie. Thanks. They would have had to carry me out of there. I would still be laughing so hard I wouldn't be able to stand.
Reply:There is no way that I can top this one. And, I applaud you as someone finally someone left Goldwing without nary a word. He is one I have seen who usually has a quick answer that is pretty funny too.
Eh, it may be the weather. These questions have been the best one today!!
Reply:Oh funnyee
Reply:That was THE best!
Reply:What a great joke. I wish I thought I'd remember it tomorrow.
Reply:Good one!! Had me going!
cartridge
Have you ever been to a strange funeral? Well I have.?
Cute, Imagine if he were a proctologist
Reply:what a way to go,,,:)
Reply:All right already, now you're getting into the real guffaw stuff -- thanks
Reply:Good one!
Reply:RFLMAO that was the best yet. I keep saying that but they just keep getting better. I love this place.
Reply:that is so good.
when I do go, I want to do it with a smile on my face.
and a smile on all of my friends and families faces also.
Reply:OK, you got me! Very funny. Goldwing
Reply:I went to a funeral for a friend who was a comedian writer and a sometimes joke Elvis impersonator
as his casket was being wheeled out of the Church
someone yelled " the King has left the building"
everyone stood up and gave the dead guy a standing ovation
Reply:most excellent have a star
Reply:Thanx for the laugh
Reply:gotcha!!! good one. what about a proctologist. backside, think about it!!!
Reply:Definitely returning from whence we came.
Me. I`ve ordered a brass band to lead the cortege, playing rousing marches.
Reply:excellent ....................xxxx
Reply:lol You are on a roll today, sweetie. Thanks. They would have had to carry me out of there. I would still be laughing so hard I wouldn't be able to stand.
Reply:There is no way that I can top this one. And, I applaud you as someone finally someone left Goldwing without nary a word. He is one I have seen who usually has a quick answer that is pretty funny too.
Eh, it may be the weather. These questions have been the best one today!!
Reply:Oh funnyee
Reply:That was THE best!
Reply:What a great joke. I wish I thought I'd remember it tomorrow.
Reply:Good one!! Had me going!
Funeral question?
My girlfriends grandfather recently passed and i said i was going to try as best i could to make it to the funeral to support her. I live two hrs away and if i go to the funeral i will miss two very important college classes that are covering the material on the midterms that i dont understand that i cannot afford to miss. I want to be there for her but i feel that in doing so i will fail my tests. What should i do? I sent her and her mother flowers and apparently that was not good enough
Funeral question?
Call her and be honest with her. I know this is a very hard time for her, but if you miss out on important material and don't do well on your midterms you will be in a hard spot as well. She should understand. Plan some time afterwards to spend alone and help her get throught his tragic ordeal, maybe a weekend away to the beach or something special to do to try and get her mind away from the present state it is going to be in. Best of luck with the gf and midterms.
Reply:Well, communication. If my boyfriend told me what you are telling me now, i would completey understand. If you girlfriend is bratty after telling her that, I think you need a new girlfriend.
Reply:I think you should call her and explain about your midterms. Right now your education is very important, she is important also but she will likely have other family members to lean on. She may not understand but do your best to try make her understand that this is your future that you are working towards. I know that the funeral is important also for your girlfriends sake but like I said she will be with other family members. Take Care , Good Luck and God Bless.
Reply:you said that you will try to be their. you should go she needs you. talk to you teacher and get the notes you will need to study for the test. you can always make up the test. how would you make up not going to a funerial. look in you heart
Reply:explain the situation to your school and see if you can get the information you need to for the classes you would miss. if they cannot help out, then explain to your friend. i would just make sure you take time as soon as you can to be by her when your midterms are over. she may be upset, but with what happened it's understandable. good luck with everything and take care.
Reply:Well ask someone if they can make a copy of the notes 4 u. Then u can go to ur girlfriends grandfathers funeral.
Funeral question?
Call her and be honest with her. I know this is a very hard time for her, but if you miss out on important material and don't do well on your midterms you will be in a hard spot as well. She should understand. Plan some time afterwards to spend alone and help her get throught his tragic ordeal, maybe a weekend away to the beach or something special to do to try and get her mind away from the present state it is going to be in. Best of luck with the gf and midterms.
Reply:Well, communication. If my boyfriend told me what you are telling me now, i would completey understand. If you girlfriend is bratty after telling her that, I think you need a new girlfriend.
Reply:I think you should call her and explain about your midterms. Right now your education is very important, she is important also but she will likely have other family members to lean on. She may not understand but do your best to try make her understand that this is your future that you are working towards. I know that the funeral is important also for your girlfriends sake but like I said she will be with other family members. Take Care , Good Luck and God Bless.
Reply:you said that you will try to be their. you should go she needs you. talk to you teacher and get the notes you will need to study for the test. you can always make up the test. how would you make up not going to a funerial. look in you heart
Reply:explain the situation to your school and see if you can get the information you need to for the classes you would miss. if they cannot help out, then explain to your friend. i would just make sure you take time as soon as you can to be by her when your midterms are over. she may be upset, but with what happened it's understandable. good luck with everything and take care.
Reply:Well ask someone if they can make a copy of the notes 4 u. Then u can go to ur girlfriends grandfathers funeral.
Poll: What is it you hate most about funerals?
I myself hate the smell of the funeral flowers
i did freak out if i smell it later at home or at night when i'm alone
Poll: What is it you hate most about funerals?
sitting thru the sermon. I want to pay my respects to the family and quietly leave.
Reply:Thank you for the vote for Best Answer. a *star for your Q. Report It
Reply:Just having to be there, that means someone I liked died. Also, I hate seeing people there acting all sad that didn't give a crap about the person that died.
Reply:a dead body waking up and sings 'she bangs' while dancing
..it totally freaks everyone out!
Reply:Someone died. That's always pretty sad
i did freak out if i smell it later at home or at night when i'm alone
Poll: What is it you hate most about funerals?
sitting thru the sermon. I want to pay my respects to the family and quietly leave.
Reply:Thank you for the vote for Best Answer. a *star for your Q. Report It
Reply:Just having to be there, that means someone I liked died. Also, I hate seeing people there acting all sad that didn't give a crap about the person that died.
Reply:a dead body waking up and sings 'she bangs' while dancing
..it totally freaks everyone out!
Reply:Someone died. That's always pretty sad
Christian going to a Buddhist Funeral?
just wondering, for me, what i need to do at my bf's dads 'buddhist' funeral. i find it quite awkward from the "ringing of bells" and "bowing til ur head touches the floor". i want to pay my respects but its quite awkward for me. do i jus stand aside while i watch everyone do this? be the odd one out?
what should i bring? flowers?
what should i wear or will they supply some clothings/shoes for me?
what else do they do at buddhist funerals?
i need as much detail as possible!
Thanks..
Christian going to a Buddhist Funeral?
i live in a mulit-religious country and i have to face this kinda situation every now and then as a christian.
as a christian, we should not bow to anything that is spiritual. in this particular sect of buddhism, they believe that they are bowing do the spirit of the deceased.
as a christian, you should refrain from doing the chanting, or joining them to bow or pray. you should just wear white or black, as a mourning sign, and tell the MONKS or priests there that you are a christian. they will understand, and they will inform the relatives that you cannot participate.
besides bowing and chanting, they also will walk around the coffin. this act, signifies the relatives walking the spirit of the deceased to hell. you should not participate too, as a child of God. you should explain to your boyfriend that you mourn with them, but that you cannot participate in the spiritual things of another religion.
thats all, trust me, you need to stick to your stand in terms of spiritual things.
do not say phrases like, "see you!" when leaving the funeral. chinese find it very rude that you are hoping to see them at another funeral again.
Reply:Be simple and do what everybody else does so as not to attract attention and be criticize. you loose nothing when you do so and be a better Christian by respecting other beliefs.
Reply:I would confer with the funeral director on this one. He probably knows more about Buddhist funerals than anyone.
Reply:i would stand on the back...
Reply:ask your boyfreinds advice. I see no harm in going to pay your respects but do not think as a christian you should be involved in bowing to the bodda or what ever.
Reply:I'm sure the family KNOWS you are not buddhist. But you are There to support their SON. You are there to support HIM, and say good bye to his father.
If you feel more comfortable on the sidelines, I don't think they would mind it. I've been to a lot of different rites.
I've been to one buddhist funeral rite. I was allowed to just 'be' and say good bye to my friend. After they were done, I was allowed to say my own good bye in my peoples way.
Things will be fine.
white is the color of DEATH. as all dead things turn white.
Reply:Most likely if you are not comfortable you should made known to your bf to let the family know. They wont force you. Basically you dont have to bring anything but please do not wear colourful stuff ,keep it black or white or grey and dress decently. If possible no make up or minimise your makeup.
If you are not officially one of the family member, you dont have to follow all the rites or recital, you can be just one of the friend that pay respect to the dead and be seated. So far, even my christian friends would light a joss stick or candle as a sign of respect and nothing to be ashmed or worried off.
Reply:I Come From P%26amp;S, Now Lets Get Down To Buisness,
1. God's Fake
2. Get A Life Budists
3. Buddahs Fake
4. Turn This Dump Upside Down And Make It The Gay Rights Section!
Reply:You wear white to Buddhist funerals (or is that a vietnamese thing?). If you feel awkward, ask your bf! Even if you don't participate in the praying or wear black, people will appreciate that you showed up. No one [no one decent, anyway] will gossip or criticize you, they'll just realize you're of a different religion and respect that.
You should really ask your boyfriend what he wants you to do. Generally they have a time where you can pay your respects. The actual funeral usually doesn't involve the praying--thats a service beforehand. If you're going to that service, you might want to sit it out if its against yoru religion. Its praying and reading and such.
Anyway. the funeral is a bit like a normal one, except when i went they cremated the body right afterward.
I've only been to one funeral, though. Sorry.
Reply:basically, you should dress modestly and in black (like at most funerals. You may not need to do any deep bowing (usually, the deceased's direct family do that), but for respect you will have to take turns in walking up to the coffin/body and giving several small bows and placing incense in front of the coffin (usually in an urn of some sort).
There will usually also be actually Buddhist monks there, and they will chant mantras. So, i don't think you will have to do too much. Mainly just stand around and let the monks do their work.
Reply:Just follow whatever they're doing.it's rude if you just stand aside and watch.i will advise you to bring flowers and wear clothes with dark colours.
Reply:Put it this way, when you bring a buddhist to your church, do you expect him not to do what you do?
Put yourself in the other shoes, pay a bit of respect to the dead.
Reply:Don't do anything you don't feel too. Go with your heart, that is all. That is all your bf's father would want. Peace to you.
Reply:what kind of Buddhist??/ there are several. different schools of thought..just like there are many different kinds of christian beliefs....makes a big difference
In any case they are very understand, nonjudgmental people...what ever you wear of bring will be fine...they will understand.
Reply:You should be asking your boyfriend or maybe his mother about what is expected of you. Unless we knew them or or the man himself, how would any of us know what they will do.
The only rules I know are be polite and never show them the soles of your feet.
Reply:White is associated with death in the east as black is in the west. Whether either of these is intrinsically tied in to buddhism, I don't rightly know.
Just make sure that what you wear is somewhere between white and black in any case.... and bring white flowers. That is the important part.
apply for a loan
what should i bring? flowers?
what should i wear or will they supply some clothings/shoes for me?
what else do they do at buddhist funerals?
i need as much detail as possible!
Thanks..
Christian going to a Buddhist Funeral?
i live in a mulit-religious country and i have to face this kinda situation every now and then as a christian.
as a christian, we should not bow to anything that is spiritual. in this particular sect of buddhism, they believe that they are bowing do the spirit of the deceased.
as a christian, you should refrain from doing the chanting, or joining them to bow or pray. you should just wear white or black, as a mourning sign, and tell the MONKS or priests there that you are a christian. they will understand, and they will inform the relatives that you cannot participate.
besides bowing and chanting, they also will walk around the coffin. this act, signifies the relatives walking the spirit of the deceased to hell. you should not participate too, as a child of God. you should explain to your boyfriend that you mourn with them, but that you cannot participate in the spiritual things of another religion.
thats all, trust me, you need to stick to your stand in terms of spiritual things.
do not say phrases like, "see you!" when leaving the funeral. chinese find it very rude that you are hoping to see them at another funeral again.
Reply:Be simple and do what everybody else does so as not to attract attention and be criticize. you loose nothing when you do so and be a better Christian by respecting other beliefs.
Reply:I would confer with the funeral director on this one. He probably knows more about Buddhist funerals than anyone.
Reply:i would stand on the back...
Reply:ask your boyfreinds advice. I see no harm in going to pay your respects but do not think as a christian you should be involved in bowing to the bodda or what ever.
Reply:I'm sure the family KNOWS you are not buddhist. But you are There to support their SON. You are there to support HIM, and say good bye to his father.
If you feel more comfortable on the sidelines, I don't think they would mind it. I've been to a lot of different rites.
I've been to one buddhist funeral rite. I was allowed to just 'be' and say good bye to my friend. After they were done, I was allowed to say my own good bye in my peoples way.
Things will be fine.
white is the color of DEATH. as all dead things turn white.
Reply:Most likely if you are not comfortable you should made known to your bf to let the family know. They wont force you. Basically you dont have to bring anything but please do not wear colourful stuff ,keep it black or white or grey and dress decently. If possible no make up or minimise your makeup.
If you are not officially one of the family member, you dont have to follow all the rites or recital, you can be just one of the friend that pay respect to the dead and be seated. So far, even my christian friends would light a joss stick or candle as a sign of respect and nothing to be ashmed or worried off.
Reply:I Come From P%26amp;S, Now Lets Get Down To Buisness,
1. God's Fake
2. Get A Life Budists
3. Buddahs Fake
4. Turn This Dump Upside Down And Make It The Gay Rights Section!
Reply:You wear white to Buddhist funerals (or is that a vietnamese thing?). If you feel awkward, ask your bf! Even if you don't participate in the praying or wear black, people will appreciate that you showed up. No one [no one decent, anyway] will gossip or criticize you, they'll just realize you're of a different religion and respect that.
You should really ask your boyfriend what he wants you to do. Generally they have a time where you can pay your respects. The actual funeral usually doesn't involve the praying--thats a service beforehand. If you're going to that service, you might want to sit it out if its against yoru religion. Its praying and reading and such.
Anyway. the funeral is a bit like a normal one, except when i went they cremated the body right afterward.
I've only been to one funeral, though. Sorry.
Reply:basically, you should dress modestly and in black (like at most funerals. You may not need to do any deep bowing (usually, the deceased's direct family do that), but for respect you will have to take turns in walking up to the coffin/body and giving several small bows and placing incense in front of the coffin (usually in an urn of some sort).
There will usually also be actually Buddhist monks there, and they will chant mantras. So, i don't think you will have to do too much. Mainly just stand around and let the monks do their work.
Reply:Just follow whatever they're doing.it's rude if you just stand aside and watch.i will advise you to bring flowers and wear clothes with dark colours.
Reply:Put it this way, when you bring a buddhist to your church, do you expect him not to do what you do?
Put yourself in the other shoes, pay a bit of respect to the dead.
Reply:Don't do anything you don't feel too. Go with your heart, that is all. That is all your bf's father would want. Peace to you.
Reply:what kind of Buddhist??/ there are several. different schools of thought..just like there are many different kinds of christian beliefs....makes a big difference
In any case they are very understand, nonjudgmental people...what ever you wear of bring will be fine...they will understand.
Reply:You should be asking your boyfriend or maybe his mother about what is expected of you. Unless we knew them or or the man himself, how would any of us know what they will do.
The only rules I know are be polite and never show them the soles of your feet.
Reply:White is associated with death in the east as black is in the west. Whether either of these is intrinsically tied in to buddhism, I don't rightly know.
Just make sure that what you wear is somewhere between white and black in any case.... and bring white flowers. That is the important part.
apply for a loan
I am getting to an age to think about my Funeral,the cost of it ?
￡1,500 to ￡1,600 the cheapest. Bunch of flower ￡90
would it be better to be buried at sea or in my back garden.?
I am getting to an age to think about my Funeral,the cost of it ?
youve only lived d once, and ull only die the once, money comes and goes, dont worry bout it, it life.... jus take each day as it comes and enjoy ureself...
Reply:i should,nt get buried at sea,its a twat of a job digging the grave,
Reply:Better you would be cremated
Reply:Some reputable Undertakers allow you to pay for your funeral and select what you want ...if you paid to day and (as I hope you do) lasted another 30-40 years the price would be fixed...dont think being buried in the back garden is very nice..what if future owners of the house have a dog and he digs you up...buried at see seems ok...Settle what you want to do then put it out of your mind and enjoy living....
Reply:Some thoughts:
Very few places are now licensed to do burials at sea so it can be awkward and expensive to pull off.
Don't go for the garden if your family/ or partner has a dog.
Think of eco-funerals - they do a great line in cardboard biodegradable coffins.
I'm dying to know what age you are by the way (no pun intended).
Reply:If you are really worried about the cost of it, why not start saveing now, i know it's a horribel thing to think about, but there are all sorts of insurances out there to help.
Reply:Give me ￡50, IL dump your body in the Thames in a bin bag with some Dandelions sellotaped to it.
Cheap as chips!
Reply:get creamated and scattered on your back yard
Reply:Spend every penny before you die ! the government can't leave you lying in the street let them pick up the tab , it's the only tax refund you can get !
Reply:I'd go for the garden... but are you allowed to be buried in your back garden? You should start saving unless you have insurance... it may cost a lot more than you expect.
I'd stay away from cremation... the human body wasn't created in a day for a reason, though we don't yet know what the reason is exactly. It doesn't seem natural to burn it up in a day, either.
The eco service sounds like a nice way to go.
Reply:There is all kinds of nice ways to go, but they cost money. Maybe look into joining a credit Union, they take whatever you have in your account when you die and triple it for your dependents, this could pay for a pretty good send off.
Reply:A funeral is really for the folks left behind. What would give them comfort. Would they want to come to graveside to mourn. In some cultures it is more about celebrating life and they have a party. The cheapest I have seen has been a cremation. Then you can be spread whereever you want or give ashes to love ones for urns, charms, etc.
Reply:Stop worrying spend your money and let other worry about the cost. After all you will not be there to care.
would it be better to be buried at sea or in my back garden.?
I am getting to an age to think about my Funeral,the cost of it ?
youve only lived d once, and ull only die the once, money comes and goes, dont worry bout it, it life.... jus take each day as it comes and enjoy ureself...
Reply:i should,nt get buried at sea,its a twat of a job digging the grave,
Reply:Better you would be cremated
Reply:Some reputable Undertakers allow you to pay for your funeral and select what you want ...if you paid to day and (as I hope you do) lasted another 30-40 years the price would be fixed...dont think being buried in the back garden is very nice..what if future owners of the house have a dog and he digs you up...buried at see seems ok...Settle what you want to do then put it out of your mind and enjoy living....
Reply:Some thoughts:
Very few places are now licensed to do burials at sea so it can be awkward and expensive to pull off.
Don't go for the garden if your family/ or partner has a dog.
Think of eco-funerals - they do a great line in cardboard biodegradable coffins.
I'm dying to know what age you are by the way (no pun intended).
Reply:If you are really worried about the cost of it, why not start saveing now, i know it's a horribel thing to think about, but there are all sorts of insurances out there to help.
Reply:Give me ￡50, IL dump your body in the Thames in a bin bag with some Dandelions sellotaped to it.
Cheap as chips!
Reply:get creamated and scattered on your back yard
Reply:Spend every penny before you die ! the government can't leave you lying in the street let them pick up the tab , it's the only tax refund you can get !
Reply:I'd go for the garden... but are you allowed to be buried in your back garden? You should start saving unless you have insurance... it may cost a lot more than you expect.
I'd stay away from cremation... the human body wasn't created in a day for a reason, though we don't yet know what the reason is exactly. It doesn't seem natural to burn it up in a day, either.
The eco service sounds like a nice way to go.
Reply:There is all kinds of nice ways to go, but they cost money. Maybe look into joining a credit Union, they take whatever you have in your account when you die and triple it for your dependents, this could pay for a pretty good send off.
Reply:A funeral is really for the folks left behind. What would give them comfort. Would they want to come to graveside to mourn. In some cultures it is more about celebrating life and they have a party. The cheapest I have seen has been a cremation. Then you can be spread whereever you want or give ashes to love ones for urns, charms, etc.
Reply:Stop worrying spend your money and let other worry about the cost. After all you will not be there to care.
This is a hard one. Should I go to my ex boyfriends funeral?
My ex boyfriends just died in a car accident. We were together for a year and broke up 3 months ago. I have met someone else who I am in love with. My ex's family told me about the funeral and would like me to be there. I want to remember my ex like he was, also I didn't plan on seeing him again after we broke up. I am very sad he died and I am going to go to where he died and put some flowers there and tell him goodbye. I loved him very much but we just did not get along and thats why we broke up. Does anyone have any good advice?
This is a hard one. Should I go to my ex boyfriends funeral?
yes, out of RESPECT....
Reply:If you loved him, and have any of those caring feelings for him now- then I would go. Chances are, saying goodbye would be good for you. If you don't, you will probobly regret it later.
Besides, if his family asked you to go, it would be respectful to do so.
Reply:I think that if you don't go it will bother you in later years . Life is funny that way . Old loves an d feelings are remembered when you get old and have time to reminisce . Right now it seems all so far away but it really is not . You cared about him once , you were together for quite a while. His family must have thought a lot about you otherwise they would not have told you . Do take the time off from work and attend the funeral. Tell him good bye there and not along a street .
It will close a chapter .
Reply:Go. You had some good times with him, don't risk regretting not going. They can only bury him once.
I think if things ended well, he would want you to be there.
Go, pay your respects, and say goodbye.
My opinion.
Reply:Go if you want it is up to you.
Myself I would go to pay my respects
Reply:i would encourage u to go... aft breakup ur r still frenz rite... since tis is his last journey juz accompany him for the last time... i believe in a phase "once frenz , forever frenz"... what happen in the past hv already past, wad is left r juz memories...since he is already gone, juz treasure the good memories u hv with him and forget about the unhappiness... i believe dat he want u to be dere too...
Reply:Go to the funeral. The family requested that you be there. Your new boyfriend shouldn't have a problem with it so I'd say yes go, it's the right thing to do.
Reply:That is though just go to the funeral it will be like a last kiss or something just go and be there because if you dont and they invited you then it will mean alot to them dont reject an invitation especially when that's the last time you will ever see him
Reply:yes, you HAVE to. I mean it comes done to you, but dont you think that if he would be in your position he would go. That would be like me saying, "im not going to my dads funeral b-c we never really got along". SAME THING!!! If you did truly love him, then that love never fanished. There is still a part of you that misses him. so take my advice and go. Go and see his face one more time...
Reply:GO! if you ever had feelings for him you need to go. Esp-if his family thinks so!!
Reply:yes of course, and if the new guy doesn't understand then say bye bye!
Reply:YES!!!!
Death is much more important than a triffling breakup b/w boyfriend and girlfriend. Your relationship with him --- though special in its own rite to you two --- has little to do with what the funeral entails. A funeral is an overall celebration and remembrance of this man's life.
Plus, the family invited you so I'm sure there are no HUGE gaping wounds that will effect you being there. Think girl!
Reply:go to the funeral, it would really help the family to see you there, b/c they may think that you're holding a grudge but please go and support the family.
Reply:My advice would be to go pay your respects. If the family thinks enough of you to call you with details, and you i'm sure, still love him, then you should go. Your boyfriend now should understand. But it will help you say goodbye and you know he would want you there anyhow. It's not like your going cuz you are wanting to be with him, you are going out of love ans respect for him and his family. You should go! Good luck! and Sorry for the lose!
Reply:I would go if I were you. Especially if his parents asked you to go. You did love him. Sorry for the loss.
Reply:I think you should..because if you ever really loved him to begin with you just don't stop loving someone. However, if it makes you uncomfortable then don't go. It's over...pay your respects and move on.
Reply:Follow you heart and do exactly as you said you are wanting to do here. Call his family after the service and tell them you were just too upset to face that and then go put the flowers out. God Bless You.
Reply:It might help bring closure for you to attend the funeral services, and his family would probably appreciate your presence. You spent a year with this guy and his family probably developed real affection for you. Nevertheless, it's your choice as to whether you attend the funeral services. Everyone grieves in their own way, so it's okay whatever you choose to do.
Reply:If it would mean a lot to his family, then please go to the funeral to show them that you care.
You can still "remember him as he was", you don't have to view his body unless you want to.
It may be difficult, but put yourself in their position, you obviously meant a lot to them and they care about you enough to invite you.
Good Luck!
Reply:It would probably be very healing for you to go. Hopefully, the new person in your life won't mind. If you go, I'd suggest you go alone. It would mean a lot to his family.
Reply:Yes, you definitely have to go!!!
Reply:You need to go..it wouldnt be right not to..you need to think if you was him..do you think he would go to yours?
BUT YOU NEED TO GO!
Reply:From your description of the situation I'd say that you since you once "loved" him you need to pay your last respects amongst others that loved him too. I'm unsure of the extenuating circumstances of your breakup, but nevertheless, death is the finality of everything and all should be given I believe.... you'll feel better if you pay your respects becaus if you don't go I guarantee you'll regret it (otherwise why would you ask for advice about something you didn't care about)
Reply:My cousin just went through the same thing. She is remarried now and when he died the family called and wanted her to come and see them and go to the funeral and they even wanted her to sit in the family section with them at the funeral (she was very close to his family as well). She ended up going because even though they were broken up they were friends before and it is more like being support for his family (and they probably need all the support they can get). Hopefully your new boyfriend will understand if he loves you!
pimple treatment
This is a hard one. Should I go to my ex boyfriends funeral?
yes, out of RESPECT....
Reply:If you loved him, and have any of those caring feelings for him now- then I would go. Chances are, saying goodbye would be good for you. If you don't, you will probobly regret it later.
Besides, if his family asked you to go, it would be respectful to do so.
Reply:I think that if you don't go it will bother you in later years . Life is funny that way . Old loves an d feelings are remembered when you get old and have time to reminisce . Right now it seems all so far away but it really is not . You cared about him once , you were together for quite a while. His family must have thought a lot about you otherwise they would not have told you . Do take the time off from work and attend the funeral. Tell him good bye there and not along a street .
It will close a chapter .
Reply:Go. You had some good times with him, don't risk regretting not going. They can only bury him once.
I think if things ended well, he would want you to be there.
Go, pay your respects, and say goodbye.
My opinion.
Reply:Go if you want it is up to you.
Myself I would go to pay my respects
Reply:i would encourage u to go... aft breakup ur r still frenz rite... since tis is his last journey juz accompany him for the last time... i believe in a phase "once frenz , forever frenz"... what happen in the past hv already past, wad is left r juz memories...since he is already gone, juz treasure the good memories u hv with him and forget about the unhappiness... i believe dat he want u to be dere too...
Reply:Go to the funeral. The family requested that you be there. Your new boyfriend shouldn't have a problem with it so I'd say yes go, it's the right thing to do.
Reply:That is though just go to the funeral it will be like a last kiss or something just go and be there because if you dont and they invited you then it will mean alot to them dont reject an invitation especially when that's the last time you will ever see him
Reply:yes, you HAVE to. I mean it comes done to you, but dont you think that if he would be in your position he would go. That would be like me saying, "im not going to my dads funeral b-c we never really got along". SAME THING!!! If you did truly love him, then that love never fanished. There is still a part of you that misses him. so take my advice and go. Go and see his face one more time...
Reply:GO! if you ever had feelings for him you need to go. Esp-if his family thinks so!!
Reply:yes of course, and if the new guy doesn't understand then say bye bye!
Reply:YES!!!!
Death is much more important than a triffling breakup b/w boyfriend and girlfriend. Your relationship with him --- though special in its own rite to you two --- has little to do with what the funeral entails. A funeral is an overall celebration and remembrance of this man's life.
Plus, the family invited you so I'm sure there are no HUGE gaping wounds that will effect you being there. Think girl!
Reply:go to the funeral, it would really help the family to see you there, b/c they may think that you're holding a grudge but please go and support the family.
Reply:My advice would be to go pay your respects. If the family thinks enough of you to call you with details, and you i'm sure, still love him, then you should go. Your boyfriend now should understand. But it will help you say goodbye and you know he would want you there anyhow. It's not like your going cuz you are wanting to be with him, you are going out of love ans respect for him and his family. You should go! Good luck! and Sorry for the lose!
Reply:I would go if I were you. Especially if his parents asked you to go. You did love him. Sorry for the loss.
Reply:I think you should..because if you ever really loved him to begin with you just don't stop loving someone. However, if it makes you uncomfortable then don't go. It's over...pay your respects and move on.
Reply:Follow you heart and do exactly as you said you are wanting to do here. Call his family after the service and tell them you were just too upset to face that and then go put the flowers out. God Bless You.
Reply:It might help bring closure for you to attend the funeral services, and his family would probably appreciate your presence. You spent a year with this guy and his family probably developed real affection for you. Nevertheless, it's your choice as to whether you attend the funeral services. Everyone grieves in their own way, so it's okay whatever you choose to do.
Reply:If it would mean a lot to his family, then please go to the funeral to show them that you care.
You can still "remember him as he was", you don't have to view his body unless you want to.
It may be difficult, but put yourself in their position, you obviously meant a lot to them and they care about you enough to invite you.
Good Luck!
Reply:It would probably be very healing for you to go. Hopefully, the new person in your life won't mind. If you go, I'd suggest you go alone. It would mean a lot to his family.
Reply:Yes, you definitely have to go!!!
Reply:You need to go..it wouldnt be right not to..you need to think if you was him..do you think he would go to yours?
BUT YOU NEED TO GO!
Reply:From your description of the situation I'd say that you since you once "loved" him you need to pay your last respects amongst others that loved him too. I'm unsure of the extenuating circumstances of your breakup, but nevertheless, death is the finality of everything and all should be given I believe.... you'll feel better if you pay your respects becaus if you don't go I guarantee you'll regret it (otherwise why would you ask for advice about something you didn't care about)
Reply:My cousin just went through the same thing. She is remarried now and when he died the family called and wanted her to come and see them and go to the funeral and they even wanted her to sit in the family section with them at the funeral (she was very close to his family as well). She ended up going because even though they were broken up they were friends before and it is more like being support for his family (and they probably need all the support they can get). Hopefully your new boyfriend will understand if he loves you!
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