Funeral? What would you do?

I have been dating a girl for 2 months. Her grandmother just died. They will be having the funeral this weekend.



Do I ask to go to the funeral to support her?

Should she ask me if she wants me there?



I have to work, and it won't be easy for me to get off. She knows this

I plan on sending flowers to the church, is this enough?

She hasn't asked me to go to the funeral....

What would you do?



Who should do the asking???? Me or her?



If I had someone in my family that passed, I would think it was my responcibility to ask her to come...

I feel like I would be imposing if I asked to go to her grandmother's funeral. Maybe she dosen't want me to come...?
Funeral? What would you do?
She hasn't asked you so I doubt she will, just send flowers and be supportive.
Reply:Ask her if that's is what she wants. Death in the family is a trying time, and your presence may not necessarily be a help, if she needs to deal with her grief, comfort family members, and perhaps participate in arrangements which take time and effort. You are not that well known to the family yet for your attendance to be accepted. Flowers and a handwritten note of condolence are enough, I think.
Reply:You could ask her if she wants you to come. You can make it clear to her that you are ready to be there and support her if she wants, but that you don't want to be imposing, so she should tell you which she would prefer.
Reply:if you met her grandmother then try and attend if not arrange to meet up with her after at the wake or to take her out .............she may not want you their as it's family and Friends...............and you've only been together a couple of months
Reply:Ask her if she would like you to come with her for support..she probably wont ask you. Tell her its fine if she doesnt want you to go but you know shes going through a hard time and will be there in a heartbeat if she wants you to.
Reply:In our culture, one may play truant for a happy occasion. In bereavement, we would like to be personally present and express our sorrow. I should like you to go to to funeral at any cost.
Reply:Go and give her support. At least go when you can! You really don't get invites to funerals. You go because you care.
Reply:I know that ya'll haven't been together that long, but you did say that you were gonna send flowers and that it was hard for you to get off work at last minutes notice. So what you do is in form her of your decision about the flowers, express your sympathy over her loss, and explain to her about the thing with your job, about getting time off is difficult. Tell her that your there for her after you are off work. I am sure she will understand, if she is really any kind of gurlfriend.
Reply:This is a tough one..... There are a lot of factors here: You have only been dating for a short time, too short to be considered that close to the family. You do not say how serious this relationship is so far. It is very kind of you to send flowers to the funeral, that is both thoughtful and appropriate.

She may be wondering too if it would be proper for you to attend the funeral. My best suggestion is not to flat out ask if she wants you to go, but to let her know you that you are there for her, whatever she needs, if she needs support anytime, you are available. That is kind of a way to let her know you are willing to go the funeral without directly saying it, and it would be her cue to ask you if she does really want you to go.

It is possible that she does not want to impose, already knowing that you would have a hard time getting off work. If she does ask you to go though, go ahead and do whatever you need to to get off work, she will remember that you were there or her in her time of need, or that you weren't if she does ask and you do not go.

It would also be considerate to get her a thoughtful condolence card. Good luck with this!
Reply:If she knows you are scheduled to work and it'd be hard to get off/have someone else cover for you maybe you could say something like, "I know the funeral will be hard. I'm scheduled to work, but if you want me there I could see if I can get off. I can't promise I'd be able to, but I want to be there for you if you need it. I want you to know that I do care. No pressure either way though. If it's better for you to be with just your family there, that's fine too. I just want what's best for you." She'll know that you do care and have been thinking about it. The thought goes a really long way. ... You don't say how old you are and if she still lives at home. If she does live at home, you can always speak to her parents too and say that you want to do the right thing for their daughter/your girl friend but you are not sure if you should try to get off work or not because you don't want to impose on them at the funeral. Just say you want them to know you care too and you want to do the right thing.

You need to approach the subject. Just wondering doesn't do them or or you any good. Make the offer. They may well say that they don't expect you to be there. But you should offer. Your girlfriend will appreciate and so will her parents.
Reply:I would say that unless you are at least engaged you are not invited to funerals by default.
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