Funeral help?

it seems my husband's grandmother is not doing well in the hospital. my MIL is flying up to be with her husband as he has been with his mother during this time....he told her to take clothes for a funeral. so we are preparing for the worst.

it seems a bit petty of me but i was wondering, since i have never met my husband's grandmother, how could we celebrate her life. is sending flowers and a card of sympathy enough to show how much we care about everyone's loss.

we are flying to the dakota's from south tx. over the thanksgiving holidays and i have never met my husband of three years family. just my father in law's brothers and sisters. i know his immediate family and my mother in law's family.

anyway....i want to be respectful and kind and thoughtful and make a good impression.

i'd send a bouquet of blue irises, that is my favorite flower, and a card from our family. is there anything else i can do? we can't just go and join them for a funeral.
Funeral help?
Dear, you make things WAY too hard on yourself. Just send some flowers and be done with it. This woman is ill and in the hospital and frankly, she isnt going to care whether you are socially correct with all of this. That is NOT her main concern, or the concern of her immediate family, believe me. Just do it and get on with other things. This isn't about YOU and how much etiquette YOU have, it's about her and making her feel a bit better if that is even possible. Get over yourself and just send the flowers! You say she isn't dead yet so I have no idea why in the hell you are worried about that NOW! Worry about it when it happens! And remember, this is not about YOU! I think you have lost site of this fact as you are so wrapped up in the type of flower, what the card should say, etc. No one is going to grade you on this or have a test later on. Sheesh!
Reply:You are a very thoughtful person and your plans are fine. I mean at a funeral very few people notice who those 300 dollar flowers are from. I would wait and see if the obituary notice says what charity to donate to in her memory and you might want to do that. Then write a note on the card to your inlaws saying how you regret you never met her. If your husband didnt have a close relationship with her then I wouldnt worry about it. But if he did, then ask him what is his preference. Im sure you will be respectful no matter what you do.
Reply:If you did not know her then your support would be with the family members you know.



If it were me I would wait and see what arrangements are made after she passes. They may want donations made to a certain place or organization in her memory. In the meantime you may send a not to whoever is staying with her in the hospital letting them know your thoughts are with them.



If this is your husband's family then there should be communication between them that he can enlighten you on, maybe.



Wait, send a card letting them know you care. You might even consider a phone call, more personable.The flowers will die and have no meaning over the hurt from her illness. They really just take up space in a hospital room. I worked in one long enough to know.
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