Jewish funeral ?

I have friends who are very strict jewish people. Their daughter passed away from cancer early this AM. The funeral is Monday. Ive heard that flowers are inapropriate. So what should I send? There is no memorial for funds. What is appropriate? I do plan of going to the funeral, I dont know much about the jewish faith so is there anything that is taboo at a funeral, that maybe "normal" in other religions?
Jewish funeral ?
There are a few things to note:



We sometimes take flowers but NOT on the day of the funeral, rather later if you visit the grave.



When you speak to the parents, the traditional Jewish phrase is to say 'I wish you long life'. They will be touched that you say this :)



All you need to do is, as with a non Jewish festival, wear sombre clothing, and just follow everyone else! You might find the funeral rather austere if you're used to Christian ceremonies, to be honest. You will notice that some people, usually the younger ones, do not walk out onto the 'grounds', in other words, they don't go to the actual graveside. There is a belief that if one's parents are both alive, one shouldn't do this, so don't be surprised if some people wait behind.



The prayers will be in Hebrew and you will all be given a small prayer book. I presume the family are sitting shiva afterwards? If you are going to this, again there will be prayers.



I think a nice gesture, perhaps in a week or two, would perhaps be to make a donation to one of the cancer charities; I imagine the family would appreciate that and it is entirely appropriate.



Another option, is to organise for a tree to be planted in Israel in the name of the deceased. Again, this is a very sweet and appropriate thing to do.



I hope this is helpful. I'm sure it's a little bit nerve wracking for you but really, don't worry :) The family will appreciate you being there.



Shalom :)
Reply:Bring food. Stop by a kosher bakery or eatery and pick up some food to bring by, but make sure it is completely kosher. Don't mix meat and dairy in it, either. Bring either a dairy meal or a meat meal, not both. If you don't feel comfortable bringing food, you could make a donation in their daughter's or their family's name to a charity of your choice, like Magen David Adom (The Red Magen David....like the Red Cross, but with a Star of David instead.) Sometimes even, it is best just to offer your friendship. Dress conservatively, and remember that is it not necessarily things that you bring, but the words and the feelings you bring to them.



This might help you

http://www.jewfaq.org/death.htm
Reply:JEEZ SORRY. I HAVE BEEN TO I AM SORRY TO SAY A LOT OF FUNERALS OF DIFFERENT FAITHS, JEWISH INCLUDED. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE BRING ANYTHING. THE FACT IS I THINK MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO SHOWED UP JUST CAME TO MAKE SURE THEY WERE DEAD. I THINK JUST BEING YOURSELF AND CONSEVATIVE DRESS IS ALL THAT IS REQUIRED. I PERSONALLY KNOW OF NO TABOOS YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED WITH.
Reply:Funerals are deliberately egalitarian in Judaism; all Jews, rich and poor, are buried with a minimum amount of fuss, so that the poor aren't shamed in their bereavement by an inability to give the departed a showy send-off.



Be true as a human, and you'll do fine at a Jewish funeral.
Reply:By 'strict jewish people' you don't bring anything, just stand quietly by the funeral and after the funeral before you leave you say "may you never know of any more pain". this will be most appreciated!
Reply:If they have not directed monies to a particular cause, I would choose a worthy and appropriate organization and make a donation in her memory.

In this case that could either be to a fund within the synagogue, or to one of the following organizations-



candlelighters

childhood cancer foundation

Any organization associated with the particular cancer she had - you can simply google the cancer she had along with the word "foundation' or 'non-profit'.

People want to 'DO' something when someone dies, I directed memorial contributions to Ronald McDonald House (which serves families with a child undergoing cancer treatment), a summer camp for kids with cancer and their siblings, and direct research.

Alternatively, you might wait a bit and ask them if they are planning a memorial scholarship, then send money for that.

I also set up a scholarship, but it wasn't until about four months later.

So depending on her age, interests and lifestyle there are many worthy ways to honor her life.



Yes, flowers are inappropriate.

Other than that...just know that in Judaism we are all buried equally. There's no display of 'grandiosity" at Jewish funeral.

oily skin